~buy our swag~

13 signs your relationship has reached the Sweatpants-And-Takeout stage #12. You revel in the fact that your life has become a never-ending sleepover

Turn up? More like turn down…to domestic bliss in the form of barely moving for 48 hours. Make these your relationship goals.

#1. You know the true meaning of TGIF

At the end of an exhausting week, you ask your partner if they feel like going out. You say it timidly, in a neutral voice, like you’d be completely happy with however they respond.

But when they ask, equally timidly, if maybe you’d rather just…stay in and…chill, you both get a sly smile before blurting out, “Thank God! I thought you’d never ask!”

Next thing you know, you’re excitedly looking up delivery options and happily arguing over what to watch.

#2. When you say, “let me slip into something more comfortable” you mean it literally

You don’t mess around with cute “loungewear” that could pass as normal clothing. Mere minutes after walking through the door, the pants come off…and the soft, stretchy pants that make you look like an amorphous gray blob come on. By night time, any constricting clothing has become a distant memory.

#3. Your sweats pile is their sweats pile – men’s, women’s, big, small.

When it’s soft and stretchy, you don’t discriminate. You’re just as likely to pick their hoodie out of the laundry pile as you are your own, and you kinda secretly get warm fuzzies from seeing them bundled up in your stuff. But—as with coffee mugs—you likely each have one favorite that the other understands not to touch.

#4. You know each other’s personal history through t-shirts

A person’s printed t-shirt collection is like a big, stain-filled scrapbook, marking every significant moment in modern life. There’s the high school sports tee, the band tees from every evolution of your music taste, the casually stolen tees from the exes you’re either particularly fond of or vindictive against, the 10K for charity tee you keep as a low-key humblebrag, and so on.

After a certain point in a relationship, you’ve seen all each other’s tees and probably even claimed a few for your own enjoyment. While you may have occasional fantasies about “accidentally throwing out” that hideous, too-tight Grateful Dead one, there’s something comforting about knowing all the stories behind all their threadbare tees.

#5. When you actually do get dressed up, your partner is shocked by how well you clean up

While the flattery is nice, there’s always that brief moment of “Wait, should I be offended by how surprised you are that I know how to comb my hair?”

#6. You discuss TV show characters like they’re close family members

You’re just really worried about Piper lately, she seems unusually stressed out. No like, even more than usual. Know what you mean? What do they think is causing it this time? No, it’s not Alex’s fault! God, they’re always defending her. She’s a grown woman, she can take responsibility for her own actions. This is exactly why you don’t want to have kids yet, you obviously have different ideas about tough love.

#7. But analyzing the plot lines and characters arcs ultimately brings you together

You honestly never knew your partner was so perceptive and intellectual until engaging in a deep discussion of biblical references in The Leftovers.

#8. You know each other’s takeout orders by heart

And you’ve learned better than to pretend you’re going to amiably split the lo mein. Everyone gets their own lo mein, and nobody gets hurt.

#9. Your cozy game is strong

Just plopping on the couch and calling it a day is for amateurs. You’ve got the snack bowl, the beverages, the fleece blanket, the heavier blanket (for when you start to get too cold but they don’t want to turn up the heat), and the extra pillows for when you inevitably fall asleep where you’re sitting.

#10. You’ve contemplated buying “fancy loungewear”

When you’re spending so much at time at home, elevating your downtime with one of those $200, classic Hollywood silk negligees from the bougie lingerie store starts to seem like a less-than-crazy idea. But then you remember how much you love your $5 sweats and move on.

#11. You are fart buddies

There comes a point in hanging out with this person for so long that it’s inevitable that you’ll be laying on the couch with one person snuggling up resting their head on the other’s belly after eating Chinese takeout on a lazy evening. The pressure begins to mount. The weight of their head becomes too much on top of the Kung Pao chicken grumbling in your stomach. You try to maneuver to relieve some of the pressure secretively, and it works, only not so secretively. You’ve just released the first fart in front of this person!

Depending on their reaction, it may be the first of many more to come.

#12. You revel in the fact that your life has become a never-ending sleepover

You haven’t forgotten those special nights when your best friend got to sleep at your place and the two of you stayed up all night scarfing pizza like the chubby nerds that you were. You remember them well, and you frequently marvel at the fact that you now get to reenact that experience EVERY NIGHT with your significant other.

Only now you make the rules. Which just means that the pizza may or may not make its way into bed, crumbs be damned.

#13. When Drake sang that he loved his girl “sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make-up on,” you nodded in approval

That’s a true love song if you ever heard one.

P.S. support great journalism of color by buying our swag:

Sorry, Afrunauts! While 85% of you are wonderful people, the other 25% were far too frequently brigades and troll farms. Their abusive comments have traumatized our moderators, and so we can't allow comments until we have built an ethical way to address the troll problem. If you feel the calling and you have familiarized yourself with what is and isn't free speech, you can still email us your scribbles. If your feedback is excellent, we may manually add it!

Say your thing

Get our best content

~max once a week~