For too long, women have been told that we aren’t cut out for leadership roles, that we’re not as intelligent or capable as our male counterparts. But the truth is that the catchy slogan is more than self-affirmation: science now confirms that the future is, in fact, female!
From our emotional intelligence to our innate problem-solving abilities, the future is looking bright for the fairer sex. So get ready to have your minds blown and your beliefs challenged, because the evidence is overwhelmingly in favor of a female-led future
Duh. You knew this one would be near the top. A girl born today can expect to live 81.5 years, five years longer than a boy born under the same circumstances. Women might earn less over their lifetimes, but they have longer lifetimes to enjoy what they earn.
Doctors suggest that women are tougher overall, have a higher pain tolerance, take better care of themselves, and survive heart disease better than their male counterparts (may we suggest this probably is because women are less likely to try to jump into a swimming pool from a second story window after telling a party of people to “watch this”).
Men are less likely to get a college education, and lag behind women in college degree attainment in every racial and socioeconomic category. In the 2016-2017 school year, women earned 57% of all Bachelor’s degrees. Plus, when it comes to getting a college education, women are able to major in, well, themselves: “Women’s Studies” is available as a major at almost every American university (some call it “Gender Studies” — but they only mean one gender). There aren’t very many options for men who strive for a higher education in “being a guy.”
Women can multitask
Studies suggest that women can “multi-task” better than men, switching between tasks, handling them all successfully. Men “suffer more” from constant task-switching, giving women an advantage in the workplace. It also explains why men are less likely to respond to a request to take out the garbage when they’re already busy breathing air, when women can text an entire tale to their friends while watching The Bachelor, giving themselves a pedicure, and nursing a baby.
Women might want to do things like vote, but we are loathe to give up the more beneficial elements of bygone eras. Men are still expected to shell out for first dates and dinners, and they instinctively know to open doors and patiently wait the requisite three days to message a girl back so she doesn’t think he’s too desperate. Navigating expectations (and the female mind), puts men at a distinct disadvantage in the dating game.
Sure, we might object to that beer from the creeper across the bar, but the truth is, women get a lot of free stuff men don’t get. From those cosmetics free-gift-with-purchases (where we spend more money than we were planning on things we don’t need to get tiny products we’ll never use), to comp’ed entry into Vegas nightclubs, there’s a financial advantage to being of the fairer sex.
Getting out of a speeding ticket (plus, lower insurance rates)
Men can’t cry their way out of a 70-in-a-40. And even the worst female driver can still get a lower car insurance rate than a similarly situated male driver. Men pay, on average, $15,000 more for car insurance over their lifetimes, and have to game the system to beat gender bias. “Driving like a woman,” is actually a great way to save on your monthly premium.
The magic of purses
Purses are magical, “bigger on the inside” wonderlands of water bottles, snack foods, cosmetics, currency from six different countries, first aid for a variety of ailments, hair care products, receipts dating back to the Carter administration, and cell phone accessories. Men have to carry exactly what can fit in whichever wallet has made a permanent impression in their back pocket. And no matter how on-trend “murses” are, they’ll never be cool.
No matter how much junk mail we get from retail outlet shopping sites, women rarely have to contend with embarrassing offers of a personal nature flooding our inbox. Our long lost African cousins are always trying to leave us large sums of money if we provide them with our banking information, but they rarely offer us Canadian Viagra.
Socially acceptable delicious beverages (adult and otherwise)
When women go to a bar, whether it’s a coffee bar or a dive bar, it’s totally acceptable to order a complicated-yet-delicious concoction that takes ten minutes to prepare and costs six times what the person making it probably earns per hour. As a result, we can enjoy trenti-mocha-no-whip-soy-milk-extra-hot-half-caf-lattes, and fruity flavored craft cocktails without fear of looking like an asshole. And if you do, no one in your immediate group of friends will tell you (to your face).
There are six types of shoes for men: dressy black, dressy brown, dressy tan, business casual, slip-on, athletic. Zappos.com has 2,082 different types of women’s flip-flops alone.
Sure, men spend 30% less on hair and beauty products than women, and certainly women’s morning routines cost lots more, even for generally similar products. But the range of products for women, from the thousands of shampoos and conditioners, to the myriad foundations, blushes, eyeshadows, moisturizers and lotions, is far more extensive than it is for men.
And even where products seem gender-less, manufacturers spend lots of time coming up with ways of personalizing them for women. From conforming furniture to a woman’s body and tastes, to yogurt designed to move along a woman’s digestive system, men simply fall behind (or have to settle for the “man cave” section).
They’re just long enough to hide un-toned calves, but short enough that they seem summery. Purchasing the right pair is a life-long quest, but once you have them, dressing from May through September is a breeze, especially in Midwestern states. No matter how hard designers try, no man can pull off pants that don’t make it all the way to the floor. And no, cargo pants aren’t valid clothes under any circumstance.
Unfortunately for men, there are probably no college activism groups that will be willing to hold an “equality bake sale” in honor of the “tasteful-yet-useful messenger bag acceptability gap” anytime soon, but at least they can take comfort in earning slightly more in the workplace.*
*Over a lifetime. In specific jobs. If they don’t want to spend time with their families. Hah!
But there's more. Check out these bussin stories:
- Guysmopolitan: 20 hilariously bad tips you would find in the male version of Cosmo You should probably just do the opposite of what Cosmo tells you whether it's cranking out dumb shit for men or women.
- It’s time for the Castle Doctrine to protect abortion rights Pregnancy is violence. Soon birthing people might have no choice but to defend themselves.
- The white girl guide to Allyship Girl, we need to talk. It's about basic human decency.