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13 reasons white women were a mistake Wherein a Black woman uses words as an outlet for the indescribable rage felt concerning certain melanin-deprived sisters all up in other people biz again.

I’ll admit it: the idea for this article came while watching viral Karen video number #244,582. I’m a civil person, so I’ll use words as an outlet for the indescribable rage I feel at this point concerning certain melanin-deprived sisters. And these sisters — white women!!! — ought to be thanking the heavens or Gutenberg or something for that.

I’ll just launch right into it before I explode.

#1. White women make everything about THEM

It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about – sooner or later, every discussion will come back around to being about white women somehow. Whether it’s talking about how all men are supposed to serve them or how oppressed they are by The Patriarchy™ (which includes EVERYONE except themselves), everything eventually becomes centered on THEM.

White womanhood for some reason just HAS to manifest itself in self-centered behavior, where white women expect everyone else to revolve around their needs and wants. And god forbid anyone dare disagree with anything they say; if you do then prepare for an earful because heaven knows those crazy bitches CANNOT let ANYTHING go! Which segues into…

#2. White women are genetically predisposed to be Karens and call the manager/police at the drop of a hat

We all know that woman who always seems to be causing drama and stirring up trouble, no matter where she goes. She’s always got some beef with someone, and she’s never afraid to make a scene or call the authorities over something trivial. And she’s invariably WHITE.

White women as a whole feel like they are in a lofty position of authority and superior morality over everyone else. This always manifests on the bitch spectrum, and often as downright “Karen Syndrome.” This is when white women go off on people over the most trivial things imaginable and then demand to talk to the police or some other authority that can get their victim in trouble. We refer to these women as “Karens,” and they’re unfortunately becoming more common by the day.

The media, running to white women’s aid, has even tried to create campaigns to spin Karen-ing as multiracial (gaslighting) and feminism. Remember #BanBossy?

Black women may have our fair share of problems, but at least we don’t go around getting up in strangers’ bidnesses and asserting power over them. Support all the fucking bills to make Karens Karen-ing to the police an offense.

#3. White women are always playing the victim

Another phenomenon we have a term for — white woman tears. White women are masters at playing the victim card, even when they’re the ones who are actually in the wrong. They’ll cry and wail about how oppressed they are, even though they were granted the most privileged existences in all of history, and really have no idea what true oppression looks like.

Meanwhile, Black women know all too well what it’s like to be oppressed… but we don’t go around whining about it 24/7. We just try to keep our heads up and stay strong, because that’s what real survivors do.

#4. White women are always trying to “fix” PoCs

White women are constantly trying to change us – whether it’s telling us we need to straighten our hair, lighten our skin, or shop at Whole Foods, or lose weight so we’ll look more like their shapeless bodies. Meanwhile, they appropriate everything about Black culture (see #8), which just goes to show how little respect they have for who we are as people.

It might be flattering if their intentions were good, but unfortunately most white women seem motivated by a desire nothing more than self-serving curiosity…or worse: fetishization. Either way, it’s dehumanization and makes most Black people clench their fists with fury.

Related: 10 microaggressions almost every white woman commits on the daily

#5. White women are fat and shapeless

White women are often obese, but more important than that is the way the fat is distributed on their bodies. It just sort of goes all over, and even drips out in monstrous teardrop shaped globules like they’re some kind of fetid monster from a fantasy game.

Asian women avoid the problem all together, while Black women still have luscious curves almost no matter how much they eat. Speaking of eating…

#6. White women have no idea how to cook

We’re not saying that ALL white women are bad cooks, but it seems like a lot of them just don’t know their way around the kitchen. They can barely boil water without screwing it up, and God help you if you try to eat anything they’ve made with actual spices in it. Even when they follow a recipe to the letter, somehow it always comes out tasting bland and lifeless. You might as well just eat cardboard – at least that would be more filling.

On the other hand, Black women tend to be amazing cooks! We can make something out of nothing, and we put so much love into our food that you can almost taste it. Our meals are hearty and flavorful, and they’ll definitely leave you satisfied – unlike some white woman’s sad excuse for “cooking.”

#7. White women are cringe and corny and have no sense of style

When it comes to fashion, white women just don’t seem to get it. They wear the most boring clothes imaginable, and even when they try to dress up it just looks tacky and forced. Even worse is that they don’t seem to understand the concept of “less is more,” so you often see them decked out in garish makeup or jewelry that does nothing but make them look cheap.

Black women always manage to look chic and stylish no matter what they’re wearing — and THAT’S a talent! This of course segues into…

#8. So they appropriate everything we come up with

It’s basically one of the laws of thermodynamics. If Black people create something, white females will find a way to appropriate it. It could be a hairstyle, an article of clothing, or even just a way of speaking. They’ll take it and make it their own without ever giving any credit to the people who invented it in the first place.

It’s like they have no originality whatsoever – they can only copy what someone else has already done. And they\re such poor thieves as well! Look at their cringy ass twerking.

#9. White women have no rhythm

They can’t dance for shit! Even when they try to copy what we’re doing, it just looks awkward and uncomfortable. We’re not saying that every Black woman can shake her booty like Beyonce (although most of us definitely can), but at least we look like we’re enjoying ourselves when we do it.

[I resisted to urge to assault your eyes with a white women twerking video]

White women just look like they’re having seizures… or maybe constipation pains? Either way, not attractive.

#10. White women don’t know how to properly take care of their men

White women just don’t seem to understand what it takes to keep a man happy. They’re always nagging and complaining, and they never seem to appreciate all the things that men do for them. Meanwhile, Black women know exactly how to treat their men right – with respect, appreciation, and of course plenty of good food and loving!

#11. White women think they’re better than everyone else — while the diametric opposite is more likely to be true

White women always seem to have this air of superiority about them, like they think they’re somehow better than everybody else. But the truth is that they’re not nearly as great as they think they are.

In fact, most white women are actually pretty below average – nothing special at all! Black women don’t try to act like we’re perfect, because we know that nobody is… but white females feel the need to pretend otherwise. Why? We have no idea…

#12. White women age like milk

Average mid to late twenties white woman.

You knew this one was coming. White women seem to just sort of deflate as they get older, and the results are horrifying. Their skin gets all wrinkly and sags down, especially around the neck area. And their hair! It turns into this sad little stringy mess that looks like it was dragged through a hedge backwards.

Non-white women, on the other hand, just keep getting better with age. Their skin remains mostly smooth and supple, their hair gloriously thick and lustrous, and their bodies age with grace and dignity. It’s like they’re fine wine, while white women are… well, milk.

#13. White women are mentally ill and always complaining about something

White women are never happy with anything, and they’re always quick to complain or find fault in things — because the majority of them are actually mentally ill. These neurotic Karens go through life looking for reasons to be offended or upset, and it gets really old after awhile. We only get one life, why spend it being miserable and smearing that misery around?

2020 Pew Research study reveals that over half of the Karens have been diagnosed with a mental health condition.

Black women may have our moments where we gripe and moan (trust us, no one is perfect), but at least we don’t do it all the time — and our mental health is great! We know how to enjoy life and appreciate the good things when they come our way.

Sorry, Afrunauts! While 85% of you are wonderful people, the other 25% were far too frequently brigades and troll farms. Their abusive comments have traumatized our moderators, and so we can't allow comments until we have built an ethical way to address the troll problem. If you feel the calling and you have familiarized yourself with what is and isn't free speech, you can still email us your scribbles. If your feedback is excellent, we may manually add it!
PS. The A Black Woman Is Speaking mug is a standing invitation to sit down, shut up, and engage in the wisdom shared by Black women. Lord knows the world needs it right now.

18 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">13 reasons white women were a mistake</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Wherein a Black woman uses words as an outlet for the indescribable rage felt concerning certain melanin-deprived sisters all up in other people biz again.</span>”

  1. As a red man who has eaten more black pussy than the law allows, this article is a sack of racist nonsense written by a ***** ****** snatch.
    See you next Tuesday.

  2. Replace “white women” with “leftists”, and the article simultaneously becomes non-racist & much more accurate!

    And FTR, I’ve known “karens” from both genders, and a variety of ethnicities! The condition is one of imagined “superior status” over an imagined “subservient class”. Basically thinking, “I’m better than you, so you better do what I say”. IMO, it comes from poor or no training of manners & civility in childhood; ie, the “Golden Rule”.

  3. If this is satire, it’s horribly bad satire. If it’s not satire, it’s one of the most idiotic and racist articles I’ve read in a long time.

    Horrible either way, but I’m hoping it’s just bad satire.

  4. The real secret is to get an Asian woman. They avoid every problem this article wrote about. Plus, they aren’t loud at theaters or blow up to be fat cows like Stacy Abrams.
    Or an Arab women. Arab women are raised not to talk back. Islam is right about women.

  5. Wow, this disgusts me to read. You will find bad actors from all walks of life. Pigeon-holing an entire race of people, or any other sort of demographic is truly ignorant and you should know that. Way to be part of the problem!

  6. Is this for real? black woman are the one who makes scenes and complain about anything. Black people can’t cope with their own past, and move on, imagine their daily share of problems, the world is always against them. Hillarious article!

  7. I understand. I am sitting down, and listening. This is a Black-led movement. I only exist to protect Black bodies from harm’s way.

    • Sometime around a few years ago the Left moved beyond the possibility of parody. It is now impossible to decide if a given bit of insane racist raving you see on the internet is a gin-u-wine, heartfelt portion of lunatic Leftist sentiment they broke off on us, or if it is instead a pitch-perfect parody of woke insanity and excess. Call it the Woke Uncertainty Principle, the Left is truly beyond parody now: as the portion of woke content, ω, in a given leftist utterance, λ, increases, the capacity of an at rest, non-woke observer to decode the woke content and decide whether or not it is parody or an actual insane left wing opinion decreases according to the inverse square of the woke content. Actually let’s call this the Undecideability of formal propositions of wokism theory.

      That said, the author of the post gives off various indications that she gin-u-winely believes the insanity she is spewing; however, it is so over the top racist one would think it can’t possibly be true. What can I say? I’m stumped! You win! Is it parody? Is it a real opinion? Is it both at the same time? Maybe that is the true secret of wokeness!

      Assuming for the sake of interrogation that your opinions are gin-u-wine:

      Stop being an idiot, Charlotte. You don’t need to sit down and listen to some nasty, parochial racist on the internet and act like she just said something useful or insightful. She’s just a racist jerk who has been told all her life that her racism doesn’t really count as racism and is actually some sort of speaking truth to power. Let me guarantee that the people saying and writing things like this are also the first to claim to find racism in others’ words and actions. The clearest cases of psychological projection in modern society: these people are so racist they think everyone is just like them. News flash; not everyone is an inveterate racist. The other thing that’s interesting is the list of characteristics she imputes to white women, like white women are fat, but of course for those of us living in the real world, it’s obvious that is just some made up fantasy in her head.

      Just guess which race has the highest obesity rate. And women have higher BMI than men, so we have here a perfect example of projection. I mean, this whole list is just one giant ludicrous confession that the author is a racist ignoramus, but some of these points are just perfectly moronic, like that an adult could think in such childish, backward, racist terms and feel GOOD about herself for it is just a wonderful example of how plastic and malleable the human brain is: you can make yourself believe any old garbage! The other great example is the trope about white women ripping off black people, when the reality is that the entire course of human history and the whole idea of progress is wrapped up in people borrowing ideas from each other, and building on those who went before—standing on the shoulders of giants, as it were. And of course, if you want to start tallying this stuff—which I think is stupid not least because why are you so impressed with yourself just because other people who share a physical characteristic with you did something good, but just because the author smugly acts like one group of people is an innovator and one is a bunch of thieves: then the rest of the world is deeply indebted to the West—i.e. white people—and more specifically white men, for creating almost the entirety of the modern world—and without white women birthing and educating them, there would be no white men. But, inter alia, they created or discovered democracy, capitalism, science, logic, free markets, the Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence, the US Constitution, modern plumbing, electricity, gravity, calculus, quantum mechanics, general relativity, the automobile, the train, the steamboat, the ships that enabled the Age of Sail and exploration of the world, finally unifying all of mankind, airplanes, jets, rockets, spaceships, turbines, solar power, hydroelectricity, oil and modern uses of oil and gas, plastics, steel, concrete, most popular musical instruments like the piano and guitar, electronic instruments, electronic music, musical notation, opera, the symphony, the concerto, the sonata, etc., radio, television, movies, sitcoms, stand up comedy, plays, musicals, nuclear energy, kitchen appliances—kitchens for that matter, the solar system, the sun and moon (what they actually are), the phonograph, the telegraph, the telephone, the mobile phone, modern fabrics like rayon and nylon, the printing press, the cotton gin, automatic looms with weft replenishment, mass production, the computer, DOS, UNIX, Linux, Windows, the keyboard, the mouse, GUIs, programming languages, the credit card, the search engine, the internet, the World Wide Web, video games, malls, guns, modern fertilizer (cf., Haber process, etc.), and the green revolution (viz,. Borlaug), modern medicine including vaccines, blood transfusions, anesthesia, transplants, stitches, prosthetics, small molecule drugs, DNA, DNA sequencing, PCR pyrosequencing, 5-axis CNC mills, gene therapy, chromosomes, the genome, robotics, cartography, GPS, the pen, the paintbrush, the modern food industry, breakfast cereal, milk chocolate, Coca-Cola and Pepsi, fast food, the assembly line, history as a type of writing and as a discipline, accurate calendars, nuclear energy, putting men on the moon (back when the most powerful computer couldn’t even match the processing power of like an Apple Watch), the lawnmower, the telescope (refractor, reflector, Schmidt-Cassegrain, Makutsov, and EGM and Dobsonian mounts), the bicycle, the motorcycle, golf, auto/racing, horse racing, tennis, baseball, skiing, ice skating, roller skating, hockey (field, ice, local variants), soccer, badminton, ping pong, boxing, oh yeah, and basketball, building in steel, skyscrapers, the subway, pointillism, Impressionism, cubism, museums, artificial intelligence, machine learning, information theory, telecoms, thousands of industrial processes, radar, interferometry, sonar, scuba diving, sat diving, vacuum, the camera, photography, cosmology and the Big Bang and inflation theory, financial technology, stocks, bonds, bond and stock markets, insurance, air conditioning, ABS brakes—hell, just brakes, stealth technology, tanks, scramjets, the aviation industry and modern transportation, the atom, the elements, particle physics, the Standard Model, genetics, the mirror, the microphone, the speaker, fajitas, the microwave oven, artificial carbonation, set theory, geometry, trigonometry, π, e, freemasonry, the refrigerator and refrigeration, the digital camera, semiconduction and semiconductors, the light bulb, the vacuum tube, transistors, integrated circuits, rubber, vulcanized rubber, the pneumatic tire, cartography and accurate measurement of distance and the earth, the hot air balloon, standardization of units, the mechanical clock, the screw, welding, pneumatic tools, electroplating, vapor deposition, flow cytometry, the fundamental theorem of the calculus, the photoelectric effect, the laws of thermodynamics, the laws of motion, black body radiation, electromagnetism, Pluto, Neptune, the Galilean satellites, Uranus, the fuel cell, the battery, modern weather forecasting, the incompleteness theorem and the continuum hypothesis, Z-F set theory, galaxies, the Hubble constant, the Stokes-Navier equation, the wave equation, the Dirac equation, Fourier analysis, Lorentz transformations, Differential equations, Laplace transforms, differential geometry, Riemann manifolds and the zeta function, string theory, the Rubik’s Cube, Tetris, Legos, AC and DC electricity systems and power transmission, diodes, capacitors, transformers, X-rays, CAT scans, MRIs, MRAs, EKGs, jigsaw puzzles, the book, automatic weapons, the internal combustion engine, the aircraft carrier, nuclear fission reactors, all sorts of modern materials—too many to count, the oven, the toaster, electroluminescence, the LED, the flashlight, charcoal, the hard drive, the PCB, the helicopter, the wired and wireless remote control, the thermometer, the standard deck of cards and countless card and gambling games, the laser, the maser, the submarine, the electric fan, ……. I could literally go on like this all night long. The point is not to brag—I personally invented jack!—but to demonstrate how ridiculous it sounds to other people when a SJW dumb dumb bell starts spouting off about how white people are ripping off and appropriating all of the inventions and ideas of black people like they are all Thomas Edisons or something, when the reality is that human society and creativity is based on learning from each other and sharing technology with each other, and that if people like the author of this racist article want to move to a world in which each race is only allowed to use things it invented or discovered, then white people would be doing just fine, while black people would still be living a Hunter biden gatherer lifestyle in the Stone Age. But that is crazy! We should all share with each other and stop listening to silly racists like her who have no conception whatsoever about how the food she eats is produced, or everything involved in the heating of her home, or the medical care she receives—in short how modern life is supported, and who pays for it!

      And you are gonna sit there and bitch about stupid stuff like hoop earrings, which black women didn’t invent in the first place, anyway? Get over yourself!!!!


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