Anal sex is ruining our buttholes, and buttholes deserve better These days, it seems everyone is going spear fishing for doodoo sharks. But at what cost? Let's dive in, go deep, and examine the dark side of backdoor lovin'.

Gone are the days where it was considered taboo or reserved for the kinkier members of society. Thanks to the proliferation of porn and the normalization of ever more exotic types of sexual acts, even anal sex is starting to look traditional and something everyone just does.

Anal sex is so mundane that even guys are starting to sail pegging instruments up the windward passage. In fact, these days it seems that if you’re not incorporating anal play into your bedroom repertoire, you might come off as an a creepy and dangerously old-fashioned prude, who is maybe even sexually repressed (yuck!).

But at what cost? Is our obsession with turd burgling ruining our buttholes? Let’s dive in, go deep, and examine the dark side of bootysex.

First and foremost, it’s important to recognize that the butt is not a genital organ. This is basic biology, but you’ll be forgiven for forgetting this fact in this environment. The anus is not evolutionarily designed for sexual pleasure, and it does not self-lubricate like the vagina does.

In order for anal sex to be safe and enjoyable, it therefore requires a significant amount of preparation and lubrication(!). Preparation many people are skipping, resulting in rough, painful, and even dangerous anal sex.

Related: 9 weird butt beauty products you can actually buy

And anal sex, even if properly prepared, can lead to tears and abrasions in the anus and rectum. The rectum is lined with very tearable thin tissue, making it easier for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to be transmitted. These infections can lead to serious health problems, including infertility and even cancer.

But the damage doesn’t stop with butt cancer(!!!) and blood pouring out of your bunghole. Engaging in frequent or rough anal sex can also lead to long-term damage to the muscles in the anus, resulting in chronic incontinence, pain, and even the dreaded prolapse, where internal organs protrude through the anus like a beautiful pink mushroom of pain and putrid smells.

Are you clenching yet? While you still can, I mean?

And what about damage to relationships? Anal sex can cause tension and mistrust in relationships, especially if one partner is not comfortable with it or feels like they are being pressured into it. This can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust, which can ultimately ruin a relationship.

And do you even want to be in that relationship after you poo all over him? It is so easy to lose control and have an accident during anal sex, leading to the world’s most embarrassing situation imaginable.

Sexing of the butt may be all the rage, but it’s important to remember that it’s not worth ruining our poop chutes. It’s crucial to prioritize our sexual health and be mindful of the risks associated with any sexual activities we engage in. If you’re going to spear the chocolate starfish, do so safely, well prepared, and with caution.

Our buttholes matter. Our buttholes deserve better.