A reader asks:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now, basically through all of high school. I love him with all of my heart and he is my best friend. I don’t have many friends so he really matters to me because I can be myself around him. But I feel like I’m missing out on the single life.
My friends are all single and go to parties and hook up with people and just have fun. I’ve never been able to do that because I’ve been with my boyfriend since they started. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend, but I want to experience things. I really feel like we’re going to get married, which scares me so much, but also makes me happy.
What should I do?
What you’re feeling right now is really normal, and a classic example of why the annoying phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side” exists. It’s natural to be drawn towards what we don’t have, even if we don’t really know if we actually want it, and even if we’re happy where we are.
You’ve been in a relationship for the majority of your adolescent life and don’t really know what it’s like to be single – of course you’re going to feel interested in what it’s like.
So, does that feeling mean you guys should break up? Or take a break? To be honest, it might. But it might also be something you can fix. Since you seem pretty happy, I’ll give you some tips on how to deal with the feelings. Here are a few things you can try before ending your relationship:
#1. Give yourself some alone time
It’s important to maintain a sense of self when you’re in a long-term relationship. Being too attached to your bae can leave you feeling like you aren’t whole without them, and that can be suffocating. If you don’t already do this, give yourself some time for you. During that time, do what makes you happy and focus on yourself. No texting with or talking to your boyfriend allowed!
#2. Dedicate at least one day a week to being with just your friends
It sounds like you’re feeling a little jealous of the carefree single life your friends are leading. I totally get that and I’ve been there. Watching your friends have single adventures without you can make you feel really lonely. One thing that might help is seeing them more often. You can definitely still hang out with them even if you aren’t single! Do more things with them to feel less out of the loop.
#3. Force yourself to try new things
You want to experience things, and you should. If your boyfriend is holding you back from that, that’s not okay. If he’s purposely holding you back in a controlling, jealous way, that’s definitely not okay. If he’s holding you back because you feel weird doing things without him, that’s on you. Try to get out there and try new things without always holding his hand – literally and figuratively.
Give those tips some time, and see how you feel. If weeks or months go by, and you still really want to know what it’s like to be single, maybe it’s your mind telling you that you need a little space from your BF.
Give yourself time to really think about it. Do you want to be single because you want to do what your friends are doing? Why are you staying with your boyfriend? It it because you’re comfortable or because you genuinely don’t want to be without him? There are a lot of things to consider, and talking to him honestly about it all might actually help, even if it’s hard.
Two other things to think about!
One: like so many other things, being single can seem much better than it is. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with it, but there are downsides you might not see. Yes, it’s fun to do whatever you want and hook up with people and just have fun. But it can get lonely being on your own, and it’s not always easy.
So, really think about what it’s like before just deciding something based on superficial things.
Two: you shouldn’t be thinking about marriage right now. Is it possible that you and your boyfriend will get married? Yes. But it’s not something you need to focus on right now. Thinking about it will make you feel more trapped.
Don’t think you can’t break up with your BF because it will ruin your future. It won’t! If you’re meant to be together, you’ll find your way back to each other. Until then, you need to do what makes YOU happy, so please, think about this a lot! Good luck!
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This is why you’ll always know in the back of your mind that you just want to be a degenerate whore. But when your looks fade and you start getting desperate for “true love”, you’ll try to settle, but you’ll find it increasingly difficult because nobody will want you if they know the truth about you.
the answer to this is MGTOW.
Evolve yourselves, guys: hit the gym, work, pump and dump, do not cohabitate with women and do not get married.
Sorry, if a woman wants to break up with me because she wants a few hundred spins on the C.C., then what she accomplished is the final screening process for an absolute, “No.” Everyone gets horny, everyone gets attracted, but if she’s not into commitment when she’s supple and virile, then there’s no way in hell I’d want her when she’s washed up, usually with 2 or 3 other guy’s kids in tow. Pass.
“Don’t think you can’t break up with your BF because it will ruin your future. It won’t! If you’re meant to be together, you’ll find your way back to each other. ”
This is such weird advice… break up with him and if you don’t end up getting back together you weren’t supposed to be together in the first place…what weird Disney world do you live in?
Seems to suggest the author thinks this guy is literally just a character in her story.
No field of human endeavor is more burdened with barely-sentient magical thinking like “we were MEANT to be together” than romantic relationships.
“Seems to suggest the author thinks this guy is literally just a character in her story.”
You cracked the Girl Code!
Gentleman, please form a line. Another female 20 something needs to spend a decade giving her best years to the worst men because pop culture told her it’s like, so cool! YAAAS Slay queen!
Tell him you feel like the grass actually is greener on the other side for the both of you. Then, no contact rules apply for the both of you. No contact with each other will give you some perspective on you. This is dangerous for you though. If he loves you & is blindsided by this you will lose the boy you love forever. Even if yall try to get back together he won’t be the same guy you love and you won’t want him to be feeling like he’s your sloppy seconds….. or thirds , tenths, hundreds…..
FYI if he’s good and he’s good to you and you screw things up I guarantee you 10 years later he will happy, married, and with an average to below average looking girl, she’s smarter, more greatful, loyal, and she’s gonna be thanking you for giving her this handsome man on the greenest grass you’ve ever seen…. your gonna regret it. I promise. The guys you wanted to hook up with are nasty and you won’t get another man like him
I actually feel a similar way. I’m a married 32 yo femanon who lost my virginity to my husband 10 years ago. Over the last year or so my sex drive has skyrocketed and my husband simply can’t satisfy me anymore. I’ve had a constant desire to engage in random hookup sex with any desirable man I see. I’m pretty sure it’s normal for both men and women to get bored of their partners and seek novelty eventually. I don’t want to act on it but it’s extremely hard to stop lustful thoughts.
Remember what’s more important a passionate night with a stranger to satisfy your carnal desires or the man or woman with whom you want to be ,have exchanged wedding vows to be together in thick and thin.
Well if you’re smart you ill support your husband, explain to him you need more and help him plan a diet that elevates health, testosterone and libido. If you act on your lust you could blow apart your entire family.
Well if you’re smart you will support your husband, explain to him you need more and help him plan a diet that elevates health, testosterone and libido. If you act on your lust you could blow apart your entire family.