I’m a nineteen year old agender human who has lived in Manhattan my entire life, and I really have no desire to leave.
None. In fact, since I was young, when I’ve been taken to rural or even suburban areas, I’ve started uncontrollably crying.
There’s something about the lack of people and building mass that makes me really hate them. They even make me sad knowing they exist. They feel boring and lonely, and whenever I’m there I get worried that I’m not going to be able to leave, like I’m trapped in some The Hills Have Eyes horror hick movie.
Did I say movie? This kind of stuff still exists — watch the documentary I pasted above. And is suburbia that much better, with its prowling serial killers and twisted psychosexual coverups?
So even now that I’m an adult, I just start crying or panicking when I have to leave Manhattan.
And, well, it isn’t actually that big of a problem. I’m someone who really enjoys cities and urban life. I enjoy the culture, and all of the people, and all the interesting things to do and see. I enjoy being able to walk around without a vehicle, and being able to not worry about what people think of me (also the lack of extreme transphobia is good), and not for a second do I have to worry about being brutalized by brainwashed evangelical redneck boys seeking a new living being to torment.
So you see, even if I wasn’t afraid of rural areas, I still wouldn’t want to leave the city.
It’s interesting, all of my friends from high-school who left the city for college seem to be quite upset and regretful of their decision. I’ve even known a few people who dropped out or transferred because of it. So I guess I’m lucky because I wasn’t able to apply for colleges outside of New York (for obvious reasons).
I guess it’s just weird thinking that if I leave a small portion of the world, if I step outside the comforts of cosmopolitan life, I’ll become uncontrollably upset.
It’s not really a problem, it’s just… not something a lot of people understand. Is it part of my heritage of being on the spectrum? I’ll never know.
I usually don’t like nature in general. I sometimes fantasize on living on a planet wide city like holy terra/croissant/ravnica, or want all life on earth to be replaced with machines. Nature just seems so deadly and poisonous and smelly and alien to me.
Anyone else relate to any of this? Or just anyone have any thoughts or opinions or advice on this? I’d love to hear what you guys think in the comments.
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