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I cry when removed from densely populated areas Even if I wasn't afraid of rural dysfunction and bigotry, I still wouldn't want to leave the comforts of Manhattan.

I’m a nineteen year old agender human who has lived in Manhattan my entire life, and I really have no desire to leave.

None. In fact, since I was young, when I’ve been taken to rural or even suburban areas, I’ve started uncontrollably crying.

There’s something about the lack of people and building mass that makes me really hate them. They even make me sad knowing they exist. They feel boring and lonely, and whenever I’m there I get worried that I’m not going to be able to leave, like I’m trapped in some The Hills Have Eyes horror hick movie.

Did I say movie? This kind of stuff still exists — watch the documentary I pasted above. And is suburbia that much better, with its prowling serial killers and twisted psychosexual coverups?

So even now that I’m an adult, I just start crying or panicking when I have to leave Manhattan.

And, well, it isn’t actually that big of a problem. I’m someone who really enjoys cities and urban life. I enjoy the culture, and all of the people, and all the interesting things to do and see. I enjoy being able to walk around without a vehicle, and being able to not worry about what people think of me (also the lack of extreme transphobia is good), and not for a second do I have to worry about being brutalized by brainwashed evangelical redneck boys seeking a new living being to torment.

So you see, even if I wasn’t afraid of rural areas, I still wouldn’t want to leave the city.

It’s interesting, all of my friends from high-school who left the city for college seem to be quite upset and regretful of their decision. I’ve even known a few people who dropped out or transferred because of it. So I guess I’m lucky because I wasn’t able to apply for colleges outside of New York (for obvious reasons).

Home, sweet home.

I guess it’s just weird thinking that if I leave a small portion of the world, if I step outside the comforts of cosmopolitan life, I’ll become uncontrollably upset.

It’s not really a problem, it’s just… not something a lot of people understand. Is it part of my heritage of being on the spectrum? I’ll never know.

I usually don’t like nature in general. I sometimes fantasize on living on a planet wide city like holy terra/croissant/ravnica, or want all life on earth to be replaced with machines. Nature just seems so deadly and poisonous and smelly and alien to me.

Ravnica is a Magic: The Gathering plane whose main planet is covered in a large city.

Anyone else relate to any of this? Or just anyone have any thoughts or opinions or advice on this? I’d love to hear what you guys think in the comments.

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47 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">I cry when removed from densely populated areas</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Even if I wasn't afraid of rural dysfunction and bigotry, I still wouldn't want to leave the comforts of Manhattan.</span>”

  1. you need help.
    its astonishing that you can live under the threat of the third world violence and anarchy that exists in the horrifically brutal filthy and destitute slums you call “cities” – while fearing the baseless propaganda against white people?

    Ok snowflake. Enjoy your brutal existence. I feel bad for you. You probably dont believe it, but you make me feel sick for you.

  2. Funny, typically sophisticated urbanites look down on people who live their lives in their hometowns and don’t like leaving. This is precisely the opposite.

    It’s such a shame, there is an amazing world out there, full of adventure and interesting people. But this fear and bigotry against people she clearly considers The Other is precisely what cosmopolitans are against.

    There’s also the ugly stink of punching down here. Going after the big guy, punching up, is an act of nobility. Going after the little guy, punching down, is an act of bullying. Don’t side with the powerful against the less powerful. Just don’t. Don’t side with police against protesters. Don’t side with the US against the targets of western imperialism. Don’t side with Israel against Palestinians. Siding with the powerful means you’ve taken a wrong turn.

    Leftists intuitively understand that our true enemies are the powerful and not other rank-and-file members of the public, and most leftists immediately forget this understanding the instant they log on to social media.

    You afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted, not the other way around.

    Meanwhile you have well-off, upper-middle class New Yorkers enjoying the big city, who have convinced themselves that they are punching up when they sarcastically, hurtfully write about unemployed people with bleak futures living anywhere but NYC. You speak truth to the powerful, not the powerless.

  3. Oh my God. This is the most hilarious thing I’ve read today. Don’t get too shaken from a generic hiking trail! The poop scented concrete arena of your city will keep you comfortable! Aaaaaahahahaha!!!!

  4. I’m the exact opposite (except I don’t cry when I’m in densely populated areas). I fucking hate big crowds of people and I view city slickers as subhuman cattle. I feel most truly myself when I’m outside and away from people. In fact this article inspired me to go on a hike today.

  5. I love living in the country. It’s sad when you hear of people living in an urban area paint us with such a broad brush. Project much?

  6. I just LOVE the hustle and bustle of the big city, it’s so DYNAMIC and makes me feel like i’m in one of my favorite TV SHOWS. you should totally come on down to my studio apartment, it’s got EXPOSED RED BRICK walls and everything, we can crack open a nice hoppy ipa or three and get crazy watching some cartoons on adult swim! and dude, dude, DUDE, we have GOTTA go down to the barcade- listen here, right, it’s a BAR where us ADULTS who do ADULTING can go DRINK. BUT!!!! it’s also an ARCADE like when we were kids, so we can play awesome VIDEO GAMES, without dumb kids bothering us. speaking of which megan and i have finally decided to tie the knot- literally -we’re both getting snipped tomorrow at the hospital, that way we can save money to spent more on ourselves and our FURBABIES. i’m fuckin JACKED man, i’m gonna SLAM this craft beer and pop open another one!!!

  7. The author is mentally ill. They should be put into a mental institution. If they are not able to be corrected, they should be euthanized.

  8. The author
    “I dont like when people judge me or assign pronouns to me so I go by agender”

    Also the author
    ” being brutalized by brainwashed evangelical redneck boys seeking a new living being to torment”

    So nonjudgemental. So open minded. So not full of hate

  9. I am the opposite, I hate dense urban areas. I hate the noise, the crowds, having no privacy/private yard, having to walk or take public transportation everywhere. I lived in large cities for several years, and hated every single day of it.

  10. Greetings. I’m an 18 year old agender human. Ive lived in London all my life but really hate it lol.

    i will start off saying i am an introvert with severe anxiety so that is a big explanation for why i hate densely populated areas and prefer isolated ones..

    but yeah im the exact opposite lmao. i love nature. i love animals. cities though? london for one is just really gross. its not the cleanest, everything’s really grey and dull, its way too loud with all the transport and people. everyone here (does depend on the area tbf) tends to be pretty antisocial and just give off a negative vibe, and as someone who is very obviously a gay genderfuck i receive way too many dumb comments/stares/etc despite being in such a progressive earlier. it just all feels so depressing and monotone to me personally. especially seeing the environment around me being torn apart without a second thought by humans, various forms of life driven to extinction, it feels so wrong and i hate it.

    one example that always reminds me of this is foxes. there are so many foxes around here, but theyre always so skinny, dirty and roughed up, and seeing them digging at trash scattered over the streets and everything is so heart breaking to me. i have a huge amount of empathy towards animals lol, i get way too attached to them while it being the opposite for me when it comes to humans. this might be partly a neurodivergent thing tho ive always felt like animals are just way more empathetic and simpler than humans. you dont get a lot of manipulative lies, shallow emotions, ulterior motives from animals. theres been plenty of times my pets have noticed me being down even when i myself didnt know it. my dog has been my single comfort dealing with a shit ton of mental health issues, he was seemingly the only one to ever notice while the humans in my life always ignored such clear trauma and other red flags. god i used to take care of horses when i was younger and even they were way more in tune with my emotions than anyone ive ever known, including myself.

    i have family in europe who live in the middle of nowhere, and i used to love visiting them whenever i got the chance, this is where i took care of the horses, as well as rabbits and cats. only a handful of people lived in that village, and it was surrounded by mountains. while it can feel isolated and lonely, thats so perfect for me. humans just dont feel as safe as nature does to me. being in an isolated place feels way safer than surrounded by humans, even if theres wild animals around- wolves used to come down from the mountains quite often, especially in the summer, it was great to just watch them from afar. also back to the foxes thing, the wild foxes in europe look way healthier, they dont cower away constantly, theyre a healthy weight usually, their coats are well maintained surprisingly, i was lucky enough to see some younger foxes playing together a few times and it was so wholesome. wont lie the people there definitely would be 100% homophobic for the most part, my appearance is overlooked at least since i come from a city where dressing the way i do isnt weird in their eyes. i guess a lot of the gay stereotypes dont travel along that far too, theyre way more old fashioned, but honestly without them it would just be ideal for me lmao.

    god just being able to sit next to a fireplace (main source of heat in the houses there lmao), with the family cats with a great view of the greenery outside is so comforting. proper fireplaces and buildings, though inefficient often, just feel so cozy and lowkey do hit different lol. or being able to sit in a tree under the night sky- completely filled by stars because less pollution- just listening to all the life around you, now that feels like home to me. ive barely every felt at home anywhere honestly. its hard to explain.

    all that said, i love exploring various cultures. im lucky enough to have had opportunities to travel and explore (mainly europe) is amazing for me. while i usually prefer rural areas, smaller towns rather than typical touristy urban areas, i do still love going to bigger towns are partaking in the culture there. food and music is a big one for me. though i do love the idea of society being run down, only a few traces of those cultural aspects around for you to explore and fantasise about, while everything human is in ruins and overgrown and consumed by the earth again. its just a big aesthetic for me lmao.

    i do have a huge appreciation for human progress, especially technology wise. i dont think i would move out of an urban area just because of the convenience and connection in a more realistic lifestyle. especially since i love digital art and design, game development, i love being able to and seeing others create such extraordinary seemingly impossible things. being able to utilise all the surrounding technology is amazing. while i do have an innate love for traditional aspects especially of art and design, i wouldnt ever want the modern stuff to go away.

    i just realised how much i rambled lol, my bad.

    • I think we’re really really similar! Nature is just so fascinating. I live in canada and we used to get a lot of deers. I remember going outside as a kid and feeding them carrots when they came to our house. I’ve done a lot of camping and renting cabins. In the summer, just going to a place with less light pollution and you can see the stars, it’s so beautiful, you can see how they get together because of the milky way and you can see shooting stars more easily. This summer I’m going back to a place near the sea and I really hope to see whales and seals.

      Also I did horse back riding and I too prefer to be with animals. I feel like you can see how intelligent horses are by looking them in the eyes. Animals are way more intelligent than people believe. Even just the silliness of a dog running around the house is beautiful, I wish we would allow ourselves like animals to just be silly sometimes and do things because they’re fun.

  11. I feel the same way, but less intensely. I just cannot feel comfortable living in suburban and rural areas, and I unfortunately lived in those areas for most of my life :(. I also feel the friction of distance a lot more then most people seem to; if something is more then 30 minutes away by my normal mode of transportation, it might as well be on the other side of the planet. Really empty, quiet areas scare me a lot too, because that’s were you really stand out. Like in the city at pretty much any point in time, there are some people around. But out in the suburbs or rural areas, it can just be you and 1 other person.

  12. Wow I think that’s super interesting because I’m the complete opposite of this. My house when I was born had this huge back yard and we didn’t really have neighbours. I spent a lot of time going to a zoo not too far so I spent a lot of time with animals. I’m fascinated by nature, all plants and animals and even some insects. In a big city I feel lost and suffocated and with the amount of people, I don’t feel safe, I’m scared someone could attack me.

    When I didn’t had any friends, I’d imagine I could talk to trees and they were nice to me. They would tell me about their day and gossip about each other. To me, the earth is like a machine or one big being and each part plays a role. The plants give us the pure air to breathe, the animals and bugs and other plants are all part of the big food cycle. I’m not the biggest fan of rural areas but forests and mountains and lakes and the sea are where I feel I can be unbothered by society and I can be with animals who don’t judge and don’t have complicated problems like humans.

    Your idea of a planet wide city reminds me of a planet I created for one of my stories I have yet to write. It’s called Axix and it’s a big city where everything is centred around work for scientific advancement.

  13. These people are so surreal, it makes me realize the “bugmen” thing is truth. I’m unfortunate to live in a city and they’re currently building an 8 story monstrosity on the corner of my block of rowhomes for hipsters from Brooklyn to flood into. The locals are all pushing back against it and the local newspaper (infiltrated by Brooklynites by now) wrote “we really appreciate the project’s improvement to population density” and it just blew my mind. They APPRECIATE that this thing will pack even more people together like sardines. They cheer it on. It makes them happy. They view it as an improvement. These people are truly insects.

  14. I stay away from suburban areas too for precisely this reason. Inbred meth retards crawling all over the place, looking for marginalized communities to lynch. If your “quaint town” doesn’t even have a stadium what are you doing. Burn yourself down.

  15. This isn’t too surprising. This person is oversocialized and needs the noise and bustle to not feel overwhelmingly anxious.

    I’d take this article as reason why city dwellers need their political and cultural rights curtailed.

    • From my experience the people in cities are welfare-dependent hoodrats who would be dead within a week without the government there to take care of them. Effectively just barely above children.
      Lived in NYC for 15 years. Moved out and now whenever I go back, I’m annoyed and irritated within literally 15 minutes of getting through the tunnel.
      Fuck that shithole and everyone in it.

      Enjoy your trash poverty and crime. I’m sure it’s quite “vibrant”.

  16. You’re just a nineteen year old agendered retard with no concept of the free world. You wouldn’t last 2 weeks if shit hit the fan.

    • Muh nibba needs to book a flight to Switzerland where self euthanasia is legal, get in one of them pods and slip slowly into the warn embrace of eternal sleep while his favorite Rick and Morty episode plays.

  17. Step four, dehumanization:
    One group denies the humanity of the other group. Members of it are equated with animals, vermin, insects, or diseases.

  18. Going to dense highly clustered areas always made me feel uneasy. Too much going on, too many moving around, too many blindspots to factor in. I don’t know how anyone could possibly live full time in a big city and not go completely mental from it. There’s a reason why so many rich people also have property to fuck off to in rural/secluded areas.

  19. I kind of agree with her.. when I visit my brother at his country house far away from the big city suburb I live in, I just want to get the hell back to civilization

  20. I know people who grew up in HK who play recordings of street noise when they go camping because the quiet makes them uncomfortable.


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