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15 signs you’re about to poly your relationship These gateways to cheating will lead to biting the forbidden apple—or at the very least, a breakdown of trust.

Sometimes what you may think is innocent behavior is anything but — and is actually a sign you’re about to turn poly.

While these seemingly meaningless acts don’t need to be performed out of spite — or even a desire to be unfaithful — they can be gateways to show that your mind really isn’t all that focused on monogamy.

#1. Sharing intimate secrets

When you start confiding in a member of the opposite sex about deep, dark secrets — your hopes and dreams in life, your rough childhood — instead of your spouse, you start going down a slippery slope of creating an intimate connection with the wrong person.

#2. Conniving confiding

Confiding in a member of the opposite sex about your marriage problems is one of the most common ways you can deceive your partner without even realizing it. By airing your dirty laundry, you’re allowing someone else to share those personal moments between you (sure, fighting and problems aren’t fun, but they sure as heck are intimate!), which breaks down the protective walls of your relationship.

#3. Hustling drinks

Sure, many of us ladies are well aware how nice it can be to go to a bar and never have to buy our own drinks. But actively courting men to order, and pay for, your cosmos is a slap in the face to your spouse. Especially if you’re full on flirting with random guys in order to do so.

#4. Dirty dancing

Likewise, while going to strip clubs is something that a lot of men just do, getting lap dances can be considered a form of cheating simply in this sense: Why on earth, as an adult married man, would you want one?

#5. Dressing for attention

Dressing to impress is one thing, but if you’re sexifying your outfits for the sole purpose of turning the head of one person of the opposite sex in particular, you could be sending a message that you’re hoping to get noticed. If you’re not getting the attention you want at home, you shouldn’t start seeking it elsewhere; you should talk to your spouse.

#6. Gratuitous affection

Also beware of lingering a little too close to others — sometimes what should be a simple greeting goes beyond being “friendly” and crosses the line. Kissing a member of the opposite sex is not the right way to say “hello,” and if you find yourself being kissed, you should make your boundaries clear to that person.

#7. Bad company

Don’t remain close friends with members of the opposite sex whom you know have crushes on you. Sure, it may give you an ego boost to be adored by another person, but egging on that person’s devotion and relishing in the attention is just not right.

#8. Worse company

To take this idea further, remaining friends with an ex who you know still has feelings for you could also be considered a form of infidelity, depending on your intentions for keeping this relationship going.

#9. Philandering fantasies

Sure, fantasizing about someone else from time to time is totally normal (and many of us can’t help it). But if you’re using these fantasies to make your intimate relationship with your spouse tolerable, or you need to do so in order to get in the mood at all, your heart and body are simply not into your sexual relationship with your spouse.

#10. Watching porn

Along the same lines as the previous offense, if adult videos and the like have replaced your sexual relationship with your spouse, a case could be made that the behavior could lead to more flagrant acts like engaging in intimate behavior with other people in real life.

#11. Not-so-platonic playdates

Befriending a member of the opposite sex may not be cheating, but it’s inappropriate and could be a gateway drug, if you will, to actual infidelity. If you’re in a committed marriage, why would you want to seek out these kinds of friendships anyway?

#12. Still holding on

Holding a candle for your ex could be considered cheating of the emotional variety. Even something as innocent-seeming as Facebook-stalking puts you in a mindset to reminisce over the past, which can have an effect on your mentality toward your current relationship.

#13. Babbling disloyalty

Telling your friends you want to have an affair is not a very loyal thing to be broadcasting. And if you really think that you may cheat, there are two people you should tell this information to — your therapist or your spouse.

#14. Being risky

Putting yourself in risky situations — accepting rides from your cute coworker, getting drunk with your ex — may lead to more risky behavior. If you’re in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t voluntarily put yourself in bad-idea scenarios.

#15. Not doing unto others

Don’t engage in any behavior you wouldn’t want your spouse to engage in. If you know whatever it is would make you uncomfortable if your spouse were the one doing it, the activity in question probably isn’t right. Or all that innocent, for that matter.

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