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Suffering fear of love? It has a name: philophobia The beauty of deep emotional attachment becomes tragic when one is suffering an irrational fear of love—philophobia. There is help.

When two people fall in love with one another, the world becomes a beautiful place no matter what else goes on. This sense of euphoria is one of the most pleasurable parts of establishing an emotional relationship with someone.

What is philophobia?

The beautiful idea of love becomes tragic, however, when one of the potential partners harbors an unwarranted, persistent fear of love. This irrational phobia is known as “philophobia,” a word that comes from comes from the two Greek roots, “philo” meaning love and “phobia” meaning fear of.

Philophobia is the fear of emotional attachment; fear of being in, or falling in love.

Every human relationship requires a certain amount of emotional involvement, but people who suffer from philophobia are often unable to make this connection. Philophobics may start out by avoiding close contact with members of the opposite sex, and then become so sensitized to emotional reactions that they begin to avoid all people.

In addition, philophobia produces a distinct set of physical symptoms. Philophobia symptoms can range from nervousness or restlessness in the presence of the opposite sex, to feelings of absolute dread at the prospect of meeting someone. In its most extreme cases, philophobia can cause full-blown panic attacks: sweating, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, nausea and an intense need to escape from the presence of the potential lover.

As with all phobias, psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t in 100% agreement on what sets off philophobia. Sometimes a person dwells on bitter memories of past relationships that didn’t go well or that ended badly, whether romantic or familial. Or the sufferer may have an intense fear of rejection and avoids relationships as a way to avoid the embarrassment of being refused by a potential lover. Others may have gone through an acrimonious divorce and be convinced that falling in love again will only lead to another painful divorce or breakup.

While these are examples of some of the experiences held in common by people who suffer from philophobia, no verified connection has been drawn between these intense episodes and the onset of the condition. What is known for sure is that people who go through bad romances or relationships are able to bounce back, while others find themselves trapped in a psychological situation that eventually keeps them separated from other people.

Symptoms of philophobia

Fear of love isn’t merely a distressing emotional condition. It can result in actual physical symptoms, and may even heighten a person’s alienation from family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.

Human beings are the most social of animals, and yet the prospect of being loved — of expressing love to another, and thereby being emotionally vulnerable — evokes enough fear in some people that they may even run screaming for the nearest exit.

One such element of philophobia showed up during the first season of the hit TV show, Glee. A high school club teacher, Will Schuester, has a date with Emma Pillsbury, the high school counselor who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and a few other phobias. Nonetheless she insists that she loves Will and wants to make love with him. However, after seeing the two in romantic contact to the tune of Madonna’s hit song, Like a Virgin, viewers later learn that Emma ran screaming from Will’s apartment before they could consummate their love.

A distraught departure from a potential partner is certainly one of the signs of philophobia. Emma’s character exhibited some of the classic signs of the conflicted emotions endured by many people who suffer from the fear of love and/or intimacy. They can experience a momentary exhilaration when they think of the prospects of giving and receiving love. Then, at a crucial moment, philophobics become overwhelmed by their fears of what the previous emotions imply, such as the loss of emotional control and the vulnerability of physical contact.

Some people have such severe philophobia that they can’t even get as close to a potential lover as Emma came to Will. They suffer the classic reactions of many people with persistent, unreasonable fears including dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, dry mouth, sweating, trembling, weeping, panic attacks and roller-coaster emotions. These physical symptoms signal that something has gone wrong emotionally, that the body is responding to a mildly cautionary situation with an extreme expression of the “fight or flight” reaction.

In other words, in these severe cases, the mind is thinking that falling in love poses a life-or-death threat to such a degree that it automatically prepares the body to fight for survival. This excessive emotional response forms one of the clearest signs that a person is in the grip of a phobia — in this case, the fear of love.

It’s important to understand that fear is a normal human emotion. In fact, although it generally causes an unpleasant experience, fear is a helpful emotion. It heightens people’s alertness to potential dangers and releases adrenaline useful for “fight or flight.” However, when fear becomes debilitating in the way we’re discussing here, it becomes an obstacle to life and not an ally.

Common causes of philophobia

What causes such a disturbing mental condition? For some people, being in the throes of love means losing control of their emotions, something that terrifies them. In this instance, romantic love makes it impossible for them to maintain their emotional control, because their well-being relies on the responses of their partners.

Philophobia certainly ranks as one of the most unusual phobic conditions. Most people can understand when a person fears snakes or spiders, which pose an actual bodily threat. There’s also sympathy for people who fear heights (acrophobia), crowds (agoraphobia) or enclosed spaces (claustrophobia). In each of those cases, people can relate somewhat to the negative emotions and physical sensations that can result. It’s easier to understand how a natural caution against bodily harm can develop into a more lasting and unreasonable mental condition.

However, philophobia can be mystifying to people, even to those who suffer from it. One way to understand the condition a little better may be to consider the life of one of the most famous philophobics of all history, England’s Queen Elizabeth I.

Historians have recorded how the Virgin Queen both invited and resisted the courtship of all the eligible royal bachelors of her era. There’s also no doubt that Good Queen Bess had a long romance with Lord Robert Dudley, who she eventually elevated to the rank of Earl of Leicester but would never marry, even after his first wife died.

In middle age, Elizabeth came very close to marrying the young Duke of Anjou, brother of the King of France, but in the end she rejected him as well. All the best historical evidence is that while Elizabeth adored the attention of many men in her life, she never let her romantic attachments progress to the point where she became subordinate in any relationship. She never lost control.

Centuries after this remarkable woman leader lived and ruled, forensic psychologists now believe that Queen Elizabeth may have been so affected by the execution of her mother, Queen Anne Boleyn, and her cousin, Queen Katharine Howard, that she feared marriage, equating it with death. This is understandable given that during Elizabeth’s time, even the noblest and most royal women were forced into subordinate roles. Her cultural situation was compounded by the ruthless ways in which her father, King Henry VIII, disposed of his unwanted wives. Although unlike many philophobics she was able to form some relationships, Queen Elizabeth nonetheless actively resisted taking the final step to a lasting relationship, namely marriage.

The emotional struggle faced by Queen Elizabeth I and by anyone today who suffers from philophobia can’t be underestimated. They endure a rollercoaster of conflicting emotions; they long for love and closeness just like everyone else, and yet they can’t bring themselves to let go of their emotional control. This mental anguish runs deep, and can be enormously debilitating.

How to treat philophobia

Fortunately, people who suffer from philophobia can get treatment. Counseling, behavioral therapy, and medication have all been proven to be effective phobia treatments when used well. The patient and his or her therapist must together determine which therapies are right and in which combinations.

Dealing with philophobia may require a complicated set of therapeutic approaches. A patient and his or her therapist may need to work on relationship skills as well as techniques to control the excess fear stimulation. This reality can take time and money, and may cause frustration if the patient doesn’t seem to progress.

While a patient suffering from philophobia may never be completely free of the condition, he or she can progress to the point where the most negative symptoms are removed, and normal romantic relationships become possible.

Keep in mind that despite what some people may think, often there’s no way to “just get over” severe phobias such as the fear of being in love, or falling in love. Even though the quest for love is an essential part of human life, people who develop a persistent, unwarranted fear of relationships often need professional help to be able to engage in normal relationships.

Not surprisingly, many phobias are linked to excessive stress, which in turn causes deep-seated anxieties such as philophobia, classified among a group of mental illnesses known as anxiety disorders. While no one is quite sure how phobias develop, there is more than enough medical evidence that conditions such as the fear of being in love can be treated successfully.

Let’s start with an overview of the treatments available for this type of phobia.

Systematic desensitization therapy

This approach involves exposing patients to the object or situation that he or she fears. Thanks to the computer age, some therapists now use virtual reality to create images of the feared objects. In the case of philophobia, a patient could engage in various “date” scenarios practicing their relationship skills with a computerized entity before going on a date with a live person.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

This type of therapy educates the patient about the cycle of negative thought patterns, and teaches techniques to change these thought patterns. One simple well-known CBT technique is simply to say “Stop!” aloud or mentally when negative thoughts emerge. Unlike other therapies for phobias, CBT may be conducted in a group setting, depending on the type of phobia. Combining CBT with gradual desensitization therapy is often more successful than using either method on its own. One clinical study found that 90 percent of patients suffered no observable phobic reactions after CBT treatments were completed.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

This method has been shown to be effective in treatment specific phobias, but there’s little literature on whether it’s effective with philophobia. Mainly EMDR has been used to date to treat fears such as a fear of dogs after a dog bite, and post-traumatic stress disorder in those who experience war, crime or violence or natural disasters.


Hypnosis has been shown to help remove the negative associations that can trigger panic attacks, as well as helping control smoking, overeating and other addictive behaviors. However, because hypnosis is founded in the patient giving up control to the therapist during treatment, its use in treating philophobia could be problematic.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)

This approach to psychotherapy has proven to be controversial. Co-founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder describe their process as an alternative therapy based on educating people in self-awareness and communication to change their emotional behaviors. The title refers to the founders’ belief in a connection among neurological processes (“neuro”), language (“linguistic”) and behavioral patterns that have been learned through experience (“programming”). NLP has been combined with hypnosis in therapy for phobias, but it remains outside conventional treatment for philophobia.

Antidepressant medications

Drugs such as selective serotonin uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) may be helpful in some cases of phobia to reduce severe physical and emotional symptoms.

Possible future and alternative treatments

As psychology therapies work to lessen the symptoms of philophobia and its anxiety-disorder cousins, scientists continue to research the exact causes of the fear of love. This has led to several alternative treatments and theories. Most prominent among the latter is a school of thought known as “evolutionary psychology.”

Evolutionary psychology contends that human traits like perception, memory, or language result from natural selection or sexual selection. This theory is known as “adaptation,” a process that’s common in biology, but has only recently begun to be applied to psychology.

One of the quirks of most phobias is that there seems to be a familial or genetic tendency for some people to be more susceptible than others to phobias such as philophobia. Evolutionary psychologists also think that certain phobias may result from adaptation, such as Queen Elizabeth I’s resistance to marriage stemming from her father King Henry VIII executing her mother, Queen Anne Boleyn.

The process of natural selection, says evolutionary psychology, influenced the human brain to develop behaviors called psychological adaptations or thought processes called cognitive modules. For example, the ways that people learn languages, spot liars, avoid sexual intercourse with closely related kin, find food and make allies all appear to be behaviors that are beneficial to the continuance of the human species. This makes them “adaptations” according to evolutionary theory.

Harvard professor Steven Pinker, a primary proponent of the field, explains evolutionary psychology as “not a single theory but a large set of hypotheses” that “has also come to refer to a particular way of applying evolutionary theory to the mind, with an emphasis on adaptation, gene-level selection, and modularity.”

All of these explanations sound great to scientists, but what about the everyday Joes and Jills who suffer from philophobia. What does this mean to them? The answer may be in the development of alternative treatments that can help people learn new behaviors to stop or replace those thoughts and actions that cause them mental anguish.

One of these cutting-edge treatments is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP. As mentioned in the above overview, psychologists still distrust NLP for several reasons. First, there have been few scientific studies into the effectiveness of NLP methods, and so far none with results that could be repeated independently by another scientist. Second, the practice of NLP began in the early 1970s, but to date has no formal accreditation process similar to that required for psychologist, psychiatrists and other specialists. This latter objection currently carries the most weight with psychological professionals, since legitimate therapists understand the fragile nature of the human psyche and how easily clumsy, misinformed or even malicious processes can damage it.

This concern is particularly acute with NLP and treatment of philophobia because NLP seeks to help individuals use self-talk to change their patterns of mental and emotional behavior. If that were all that’s needed to “cure” philophobia, then no one would fear falling in love anymore.

However, anyone who suffers the anguish of this psychological condition knows that talking oneself out of it is insufficient to deal with his or her fears. Even when combined with hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming remains an unconventional treatment that should be carefully investigated before a philophobia patient agrees to try it.

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178 thoughts on “<span class="entry-title-primary">Suffering fear of love? It has a name: philophobia</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">The beauty of deep emotional attachment becomes tragic when one is suffering an irrational fear of love—philophobia. There is help.</span>”

  1. Yep. The last time I tried to do the normal dating thing, he wanted us to be in a relationship. I literally started having bad physical reactions at the mere idea, and when we broke up, all of it went away. I should also add the last time I was in love was with my late husband. He death was traumatic, and basically spiraled me into this. It’s been 5 years.

  2. Nothing hurts than been cheated on and when you leave the person because you can’t afford to share him, he gets to live his life happily ever after your break up and you in the other side ,you are still trying to move on.No matter how many rebounds you will have ,its still hard to get out of that trap.It becomes very difficult for you to love again,,am starting to think that I do no longer have a heart to love or if I’ll ever have feelings for another man.I tried to forget and I even told myself the worst stories about him and how we can’t be back together but nothing changes.

    Doctor I need some advise please help,the pain is killing me piece by piece.

  3. i have one friend that has this and I’m worried about them, as in i really don’t know what to do for her. I just am willing to do anything to help her,I can’t give any money cause I don’t have any and she means the world to me. I would die for her,even if it meant breaking my family’s hearts cause they don’t like her but i really want to help her get past this no matter what it takes.

  4. I don’t think I have this phobia, but I am scared of love. I don’t really trust people, I only think of how they could hurt me, how they could leave me, ect. I am scared that I will fall in love with someone, I will accidentally hurt them, or they will hurt me…. It’s to the point where I can not even really crush on people. If I think I might like them, I make myself get over that feeling quickly. I never let it get out of hand…It sometimes really hurts that I don’t feel those feelings, but I think it’s for the better. I also perfer to do things by myself. I can’t even really see me having a deep relationship with someone. Whenever someone says anything about dating, or something, I tell them it’s pointless. We will most likely break up so why even try?

  5. I was in a relationship and he told me he loved me and I said it back by I felt like I need to and he was waiting for me to do so. But then the next day he said we moved to fast and He broke up with me, because of this I felt the need to stay away from boys because I felt they would all treat me like that and know I get it. It hurts me to look at one to even think about one. Once I told my friend about this she told me I was philophobic and I understand know. O really want to get over it but it’s so hard…. I really want someone who can treat me right if he is even out there.. It would be a miracle. Sometimes I lay in my bed crying and wondering why he broke up with me but I relived he was a player and he ended up dating someone else the next day….

    Anyone have any advice for me???

  6. I struggle with this but I accepted it. I’ll maybe try to fix this problem in some future but I don’t want to get in any kind of relationship cause I know I’ll lose control. My last “fall” was one year ago. I spent all 2016 trying to date guys and had a lot of dark weeks getting over all the dates I cancelled, that’s when I realized I had a phobia. I used to love to have partners but after a big breakup I experienced depression (lost a lot of weight) and I guess it is like a trauma

  7. Never in my school days, I talked to boys about matters other than studies. I was focused on my career and got into college. I am in the final year of college and throughout my journey, I was bewildered by seeing how brilliant students were having ‘one-night stand’, easily having hook up and then break up. #-4 bfs/gfs in 2-3 years, having sex. It disgusted me. I know society is changing, and believe me, I too am not extremely orthodox. But this issue concerns me! I get Facebook mssgs from unknown guys, and clearly, they aren’t nice people! I fear trusting any single guy!!! I want to be a passionate lover and one- man girl, but i dont think I can trust any man! I liked a guy in college, my best frnd he was. But then he started avoiding me after 2 years of great friendship, only to spend time with a girl he fell for. It hurt me, and I realised there is something more than friendship. I accepted it is his choice to decide, but as a best friend, I was concerned, because that girl has had 4-5 breakups, with our batchmates (including my best frnd) having witnessed her get cosy and kissing publicly. That has even dreaded me, Why do guys want to get so much physical!! When i say this, ppl mock at me and say that i fit in a fairy tale. I feel i can never build trust on any guy ever, or even respect any such girls. HAVING GENERATION GAP WITH MY OWN GENERATION (sob). All that matters today is look and style. Who is in hell in pursuit of true maturity/education/knowledge?

  8. wonderful articulate, sometimes philophobia are developed by so much heartbreak. I guess no one would want to pass through hell,all for one thing, and that’s “love”.

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  10. well I guess I also have philophobia even though I did not realize it for a while now.But I need help honestly …

  11. So I’ve had a couple of relationships, one of them ended when my boyfriend had said he was seeing someone else. My heart shattered, I didn’t know what to do or how to react. The worst thing about it was that 1. His best friend told me and 2. It was over text messages. After his best friend had told me, I asked him myself and he admitted to it.

    Every time someone says they like me and want to be together, I try to give it a go but in the end I always think of possible reasons to how the relationship might end so I then push them away and eventually break up with them.

    I try not to get into relationships now just in case anything happens but most of the time I just can’t reject the person who is asking me out.

  12. I was in a relationship which didn’t end well. He left me for some other girl. At present I’m so afraid of relationships. I feel my relationships are going to end soon. Months ago one boy proposed I was so damn afraid of the word ‘love’.

  13. I was in a relationship which didn’t end well. He left me for some other girl. At present I’m so afraid of relationships.I think that my relationship are going to end soon. I think like I can’t handle relationship. Months ago one boy proposed I was so damn afraid of the word ‘love.’

  14. There was one guy in particular I would hang out a lot with. Apparently I was the last person to be informed that he liked me. One day a girl asked me if we were dating, and when I told her that we weren’t, she had me sit down and explain why not. Of course there were a bunch of logical reasons, but she focused on my philophobia.

    I’ve known I’ve had philophobia for a long time now. Since elementary. I just never knew the word for it until middle school. So, I was used to explaining it for some time, and after a while it seemed tedious. On this specific night, I was super drained because we were at school, working way past 10. I didn’t feel like explaining it. So I punted the ball to said guy who had a crush on me and told her to ask him what philophobia was and why he thought I kept rejecting him.

    When she returned, after waking me up from my power-nap, she told me she knew what it was and like any decent human being, respected me and didn’t press on. Unlike said boy.

    Later that night, I learned that when the boy that had a crush on me was explaining what philophobia was, someone was eavesdropping. That someone, a separate boy, started laughing when lover-boy over there was done. When he stopped laughing he commented, “That’s a stupid fear.” And I’ve felt subconscious about it ever since.

    But that’s my point. I shouldn’t have to feel guilty or upset that I am what I am. And if whoever is reading this has philophobia too, then you shouldn’t feel terrible about it either. I know a few people who eventually got over most of philophobia, after years of trying. But that’s the thing. You have to want to get over your fear. Don’t have people push you around or tell you that you need to change. And the fact that the majority of people I’ve confided my fear to have tried to change me or reprimand me. (Mostly guys, in my experience. Sorry, dudes :/) I don’t need to be changed. I have this fear for legitimate reasons.

    But yeah, that’s my rant. If you’ve read through this entire essay of a comment, I applaud you. Thanks for reading.

    • I have a (relatively) close friend whom I would like to ask out; however, he has mentioned to me a few times that he has philophobia.

      What tips do you have for asking out people with philophobia? Thanks!

  15. I am 23 and I have never dated. Honestly even though I have a lot of female friends, I feel none of them likes me enough beyond ‘brotherliness’ and equally the few people I have asked out rejected me on the same account of being ‘friendzoned’.
    I am demotivated from even making a friendship attempt on any female I see since my earlier experiences have produced disappointing results and due to this, I am not even enthused to entertain female prospects towards relationship.

  16. Ive got this chick weve been in a relationship for almost a month but we not dating shes to scared in going thru that again…cuz her previous relationship broke her badly but we very close an everything….but shes got philophobia…how do i react to that❓how do i make things better is there even a way to making it what do i do…?

  17. Do philophobics ever come back to past relationships after they escape and fear leaves? I heard they Are famous for rubber banding and returning after breaks.

  18. I have done most of the above with someone. If I can’t be with him, I at least would like to have a conversation, with him, part with no misunderstanding, anger and with peace. However my panic attacks are so bad! Once I even think I had a ptsd flashback and nearly ran into the road. I think if he did talk to me, I might collapse and be incapable of speech, that’s if I just don’t zone out. It’s been a horrific nightmare, there is no denying we love each other, but there seems no way around it. If I was to suggest any way to behave so that we could have that vital conversation, it would be…. say hello and then patiently wait for the worst of ensuing breakdown to be over, before just chatting calmly, offering a tissue, suggest a walk, don’t expect answers…. Eventually I think I might calm down a bit, immediately suggest a alcoholic drink.. (I’m not a big drinker, but I know it would calm me down). talk about light subjects, people we know, then maybe then I could talk about why I’ve been such a utter shit to him, make my apologies and have some peace.

  19. wanted to ask there any possiblilty of getting this phobia through broken trust and fear of getting insult???

  20. Reading your thoughts felt like reading myself there. I have not been through a complete relationship, before we broke apart. Now after that I feel I just can’t have anyone come so close to me. When I meet new people, it hardly takes me time to get close to them, but then like a bucket of cold water falls upon me, I withdraw. I move away so that they have no chance to get anymore closer and hurt me. I lose that person and it also upsets me but I console myself that it’s for the best and move on.

  21. I was reading through all the comments, very interesting. I met a guy who has this problem too, philophobia. In the beginning I couldn’t understand it, now I do. He tried to have a relationship with me but not in a “normal way,” but through manipulation and control, he couldn’t get it. The second time… there was nothing he could do because he doesn’t know how to have a “normal relationship” and it looks like he doesn’t want it either. I’ve always known he likes me a lot… and I told him I do too, but I don’t like the way he’s with me. He tries to relate to me in a very superficial way, he looked cold sometimes but he opened up a few. Maybe I should have been more patient, I left him twice because his behaviour didn’t add up, he delayed meeting me, was cold or superficial and he wouldn’t explain anything or try to make up after seeing I was angry and about to tell him off. So, it looks like he wants me to leave him, but he’s been visiting my internet profile in the invisible mode for 4 months now… So, he doesn’t want me to know it. I know it’s him because it happened also the first time I told him off. This is pretty silly and sad because we like each other…

  22. Am glad I went through this website, I get constant headaches and whenever I try to remember what I did yesterday or a month ago, my heart start racing and my head becomes painful, I want to be vulnerable to someone and love them with all my heart but I can’t put myself to do that, I chase away the ppl that love me by being angry and cold, so that they won’t see the problem in me, my life is a mess, I want help so that I can be free spirited and happy to mingle and love someone with joy and excitement.

  23. I always feel lonely and envious of other people’s relationship, but when someone finally take interest in me, i just feel nauseus and i practically just tried everything to get away from them. What should i do?? It keeps happening again and again

  24. I have a close friend which I love and I am afraid it will ruin our relationship as close friends. Does this count as Philophobia?

    • I cry almost every night because of it, I cant do anything about it or make progress because I am afraid.

      I’m in love with her since summer even at the time she had boyfriend.
      We met every day at the summer until she moved city, school and broke up with her boyfriend.

      We did not talk for 9 months, but now we meet like every day and talk about everything there is to talk about and now were really close friends.

      I’m in love with her but I don’t want to ruin our friendship, whether by telling her or breaking up with her.

  25. All this bullsh*t about “you think you have Philophobia cause of past relationships” is complete and utter nonsense, seriously think about what you are saying. Some people including me have never fallen in love because we actually have Philophobia. Be grateful for the fact that you had the opportunity to experience this, I guarantee most of you will find your way into a relationship again someday. You won’t be complaining then I assure you of that.

  26. I knew deep down this was an illness that I had, but due to the isolation of 19 years in my house never actually making an effort to socialise with anyone kinda screwed with my head. Now I somehow come to terms with it bizarrely.

  27. oohhhhh nnnooooo!!!!!!! I have this feeling since my bf broke up with me!!!!!!

  28. I have the same problem. And I figured it out just a week ago. I am 33 years old. Ealier I was treated for anxiety of intimacy but the thing is that phobia is so much worst than that and that is why my therapy did’t help. Now I can see the problem clearly. And I will try with cbt therapy.

  29. Loving someone is not bad but being fraud by them is the thing what u dnt expect from them…If u fraud by them then it will say heartache…After then u will not blv easily other peoples…

  30. I was fall in in love with my cousin and after that I never sleep better in nights only slept for 4 hours. because she is my cousin so it is not possible to marry with our area if a boy even talks with a girl their parents thought that two of them called in love so it is not fair and they kill to of them that is owner killing

  31. I’m so glad I found this website. Now I know that what I feel has a name, that I’m not just a weirdo.
    In 22 years I’ve never been able to get close to others, I either purposely choose impossible loves or I make excuses and try my best to ruin everything. And when it doesn’t work, when the guy still chases me, I literally escape, in the grip of an incontrollable panic attack.

  32. I’m not afraid to love, its just that ever since my mother died when i was 14 doing Grade 9. I has been in relationships and some have lasted for more than 3 years but my last relationship my boyfriend proposed marriage and I turned him down. He was hurt,did not understand why.
    I can love but with the death of my mother I calculate every decision when it comes to relationship.I dont know if I need help coz I have lived like this for the past 10 years.

  33. I am not afraid of love, I know how fearing love is, but what I feel is like.. damn I can’t explain. I feel like love is useless, like.. what do you win from a relationship? What do you win from a hug? Comfort? There are other things that can comfort you. Why to say ‘I love you’? Do you really know what it means? Why to even have feelings if we all hurt each other anyway? We’re animals. The only difference we have with animals is that we have the possibility of creating things and ruining the world.
    I know I sound cold and heartless, I myself can’t even tolerate what I’m saying but it’s what I feel.
    I feel fookng nauseous and think all of this. Why to love? It’s unnecessary for me. I don’t expect you to understand but it’s what I feel. I’m not afraid, I just feel like all this bullsh*t of love is useless.

  34. I’m going through a difficult situation… I’m not comfortable in love or relationship… I feel irritated.. My throat get collapsed.. It feel heavy… Why this is happening… Plz help ?

  35. Okay, so I think I have this, but it makes no sense why. I’ve always stayed away from boys, and have never been in a relationship. I guess there are a few reasons. For one, my parents aren’t exactly happy together, and my dad already divorced his first wife. I have anxiety for sure, and I have had a lot of panic attacks, I’ve lost count at this point. I have social anxiety, as well as general anxiety, which would explain if I had just a little of this, but it’s bad. I sat next to a boy I know has a crush on me and had a full-blown panic attack. Every symptom you can think of. Unfocused, shaky, can’t breathe, gulping, sweating, tired. And he’s the only person that knows I have anxiety and panic attacks. He noticed, but couldn’t calm me down, which he hates, I know. I don’t know what to do at this point. If anyone has any advice, it would be appreciated.

  36. So this is an actual thing… holy shit. This explains why I can have sex with girls towards who I don’t have romantic feelings, but not with the ones I could fall in love with.

  37. I just realize i might have or have not this phobia.
    I’m 20 y.o girl growing up in a broken home family, my mother left my father who’s cheating on her and i’ve live with my grandma when i was a child and have to saw all those clash between them (my mother and father), i have never been afraid of feeling emotional for some person or being too close for comfort to someone, it’s more like i’m scared of the past experience that happen to my parents that i’m starting to think that it’s scarry to be in love with someone and have a relationship with that person.
    It doesn’t mean people who have this phobia can’t feel love, but it just were to scared that love and relationshop won’t cut out for us.

    • Here is what I think. You will be fine. what I think you should do is take what you have seen and do better than it. If your parents have been fighting, learn how to love and treat your significant other right. Find the one for you and keep testing. you may have to go through dozens of relationships to find the right guy, but that’s what if will take if you are serious about finding them. So stop wishing about wanting to eventually find love and just GET OUT THERE! you can do it and I know you will be able to find love. I’ve been in all of your shoes and I can GUARANTEE that you will find true love one day. I promise.

      -Dr. Doctor

  38. I’m a loner!! At least that’s what I call my self.
    When a relationship starts to get serious I feel the need to just be alone
    Again. I end up running out on the sweetest men. I’m 70 now and after a whole life
    Of feeling this way:: I don’t see any hope to change. I find things I don’t like zero in on them to give myself reason to run. I have such a good time as long as it’s just
    Friendship any more than that I start planning my escape!!

  39. I have always called this “allergic to love”. I am married and have kids, but the moment I am confronted with any form of emotional love, I withdraw and rather become angry, which is my safe place and by that, push my kids and wife away.
    In the past, I couldn’t keep a girlfriend, and not for any other reason than when I began feeling emotional love, I would break up with them.
    It is a constant battle and I have accepted that this is how I am and there is no cure. I hate the fact that my family gets the brunt of me when they don’t deserve it, but I cannot help myself.
    Thanks for naming it for me and letting me know that this is not unique and I’m not alone.

  40. Wow! This happened to my mom and she regretted it later, same with my ex.. That’s y he is my ex… He said something triggered his head he had a breakdown and something told him to get away from me… I didn’t understand at first but I researched and talked to my mom and found out lots.. And she says it wears off and they realize they did wrong and they try to come back but it’s usually to late…. Help?!?

  41. I just now realized I have philophobia. I went through a big heart break and since then could never go back to the old me. I don’t even have crushes on people because I hate guys they just always want to hurt someone,.. ugh idk what I have but I don’t like the word love itself.

  42. i think i have also philophobia. It is too hard for me. as i had a relationship which ended very badly and leave a deep scar into me. then life goes on , i thought i got over it. but sometimes after i realize tht something is wrong with me. i can’t let anyone into my life. it makes me uncomfortable horribly. like that love hunts me. after my brkup i tried many times to engage with someone one. But THE THOUGHT of getting into a relationship makes me terribly afraid. I don’t know what to do. sometimes i feel so alone. i need help. T_T

      • @life
        i would love to share my experience as your reply. yea that was fact that i can’t feel any emotional attraction to anyone, but within a year my life changes a lot. I met a guy, lets give him a name, Breath. well we all try to focus on our problems of life where as the solution is more closer to ourselves, we forget or do not realise the importance of them. just like our breathing. we all live across the life but never really think about, if we stop breathing we will die. He came to my life n teach me how to love myself, my life, he always were there in my crucial time to make me more strong. He confessed his love without any terms and conditions knowing that wld not possible, still his love was more stronger or greater than my phobia or something. He never told me or want me to love him back… he just gave and without any expectations.
        I had a very bad past but my present is more than enough to eliminate all the bad feeling of my past and I believe future will be the same as now. I am fully in love with him. ?

  43. i also have philophobia. i think its because i had a bad relationship before that my ex-boyf cheated on me and i also have some family issues which makes me hard to believe that love thing. everytime i fall in love with a guy, and i confessed to him, and he started to love me back, i avoided him. i cant even look him in the eye. everytime i saw him or he started a conversation (even chatting in social media) , i feel like i wanna puke. i had a bad feeling and got sick. i hate it. i hate myself. like im playing with his feelings but im not. i just cant control myself. but i think this is the best way. so that i will never get hurt again TT^TT

  44. It’s nice to see something written by a phobia of mine and understanding it. But could the comments section be any less pathetic?

    • It’s the same thing for me too but how is it possible that I don’t mind having “a friend with benefits” but I start to cry and panic when i think the words “to fall in love”

  45. I was so surprise when I’m start to read this,I now I know what was happen to me..I hope I can fall in love again with someone..

  46. I have not been afraid of a relationship or sex but when it comes on to feelings, i see my fear of love into play. I have been in great relationships and i cut them off because i was afraid to love the person. Thanks for this helpful tips. I also have a fear of climax.

  47. I am SOOO Glad I finally know what I have. I thought I was nuts.
    Thank you for sharing this information.

  48. Hey guys i just wanted advice from you…
    I’m inlove with someone who suffers from phobia , i want to be with him and also want to help and aproach him, but i dont know what to do because he keep me in a distance ….
    So please help me just give me advice what to do ???? Should i hold on or should i give up???

  49. See I’ve never experienced love and don’t intend on it.. I went to the cinema with my friend one time and whilst we were sat in the cinema, he tried to make a move on me, told me we could “work it out, go slowly” well I don’t think I’ve ever jumped out of my seat so fast in my life. I ran to the bathroom and started panicking and it was the worst fleeing in the world- I thought I was gonna vomit. It’s happened a couple of other times (not in the same scenario though) and everytine somebody tries to be in a relationship with me, I feel so sick and I literally shake.. I can’t do it.

  50. I have philophobia… I notice it everytime someone asks me out, for ex. I met a guy and instantly fell for him, he asked me out that night and I said yes,of course. It was two weeks later and I started to lose feelings, I convinced myself that I still love him and so I left him. It was back to school time and I fell for another guy and I had him on my mind 24/7. I knew I was inlove, he asked me out and I said yes. We are currently still going out, but I am losing my feelings. There is someone else that is inlove with me and he was my kindergarden crush. Now I’m thinking that I should leave my boyfriend and be single for a long time, but I’m still growing… How can I ressist falling inlove with somebody and don’t have feelings. I’m 14 years old and I don’t know what to do. If I tell my mother she’ll say I’m overreacting, my father past away, my friends won’t understand, I don’t have money to go to a counsellor( my mother will anyway say no)…. What must I do???

    • You, little lady, are a player. You are a heart breaker. You are a hit it and/ quit it. you need to focus on school and get a degree in crying about real problems. Sorry that this had to be so brutal but it is what you need to hear. What you need to do is keep doing what you are doing because you cannot simply just say you are going to be faithful to one guy if you are always jumping around with guys. You have a specific career set for you. it’s called playing games (messing with feelings). There isn’t really any problem with what you are doing. You have no feeling for the guys you leave so why worry. Let the guys feel bad. Let yourself be happy with a new guy every week.

      You do not have Philophobia. You are just a regular middle school girl learning what she likes to do most in her teenage life. You will eventually realize the title you will get in high school. Trust me, you will be labeled a whole ton of labels once you get in high school and maybe even right now among your peers. the way you are carrying yourself, prepare for even more hurt than this one tiny message out of all the billions of people in this world.

      Don’t let me, a human out of maybe 10 billion people, ruin your day. I am simply telling you the truth and being honest. I’ve messed up and you will too if you continue this path. Turn now or forever keep your pitiful, labeled, 14 year old silence.

      -Dr. Doctor

  51. I really think I have philophobia…whenever I talk to a guy I like and become friends and show intrest after a few days I just avoid him and cry and I don’t even know why.. it’s just so complicated…I wake up in the morning feeling so depressed and anxious that I just want to start crying ?

  52. I dont want to fall in love because I dont want to experience that horrible feeling again,that feeling of hopelessness

  53. WOW, this has been such a help, I 2 know what is wrong with me now, I have this slight excitement and again this fear – Where do one start to overcome this?

  54. Update a year later: philophobia is also known as Love Addiction, the Love Avoidant variant. And although focusing on body sensations helps, in most instances I suppose that other treatments will be needed too, for recovery.

    Each time I read one of these posts I get a sense of how lonely and how frustrating it must be to have this panic prevent you from getting the love and company you crave. There are reasons you react like this though, very likely it’s to protect yourself from being hurt again, after being very hurt one or more times while growing up. When your unconscious mind detects the same kind of danger, it seems to often be the case that you revert back to the age you were the first time, and you react in the same way you did then, which was probably the best you could manage to do at the time.

    In a way then, it could well be that your unconscious self is still trying to cope with what happened back then, and you’re stuck at that stage of emotional development, until you revisit that first situation and help your former self through that experience, acknowledging the feelings that were too intense to cope with at the age you were at the time, so you can finally move on from it and resume your natural growth process.

    I suggest you look at your family environment while growing up, what experiences of abandonment you had during childhood. These are not limited to people leaving you behind, it could also be a father who spent most of his time at work, or was alcoholic, or a mother who was depressed and although physically present did not give you the attention and affection you needed. It could also be that you were molested, or beaten (spanking is an instance of that), or verbally abused, etc. Children can’t be expected to have the emotional capacity (nor the intellectual one) to survive these attacks unscathed (by realizing that they are innocent and it’s the attacker who is doing something very wrong), they come to believe that it was their fault this was done to them. And they often feel terribly ashamed afterwards, as well as being terrified of getting attacked again, and they might not be aware of having these feelings.

    It may take some work to recall these experiences, because they were too upsetting to keep thinking about at the time. You’ll probably benefit from finding someone trustworthy whom you feel safe to talk about your childhood with, someone who will listen to what you say and hear what is important to you, without pushing you to talk and without telling you what you should do. A good therapist (difficult to find, in my experience), or someone who has recovered from the sort of wound you probably received.

    Some resources that I hope can help:

    Episodes of the Loveline radio show (on YouTube) from around 1999, where many callers mention having difficulty with intimacy, both emotional and physical. Again, the pattern with callers is that this disruption in their emotions is the result of some type of neglect or abuse during early childhood,

    Coherence Therapy maybe, if you can find a therapist you like who practices it: and

    I’m convinced it’s possible to heal from these childhood emotional wounds without medication, if you find an empathic and knowledgeable person to support you.

  55. Once i loved a boy so much that it even hurted but when i had to change the school where we were ,i broke up with him because i felt that i couldnt have a distant relationship but now i regret my decision.
    we were together for about 3 years ,i had others relationships but when things were getting serious i would break up with the boy,i feel like i am lucky because all of them were kind and cared about me but i didnt love them and i didnt want to love them because i think i am not worth it, when things start to get serious i avoid them or be mean with them so they can leave me alone …
    i think i still like my ex but if someone ask me if i want to be with him again,my answer would be no.
    i would say that i just want to know that he is mine,but not physically .
    i can break a heart without regret it,people say that i mean but i think that i am a realistic one
    What’s the propose of getting in a relationship if it always ends.

  56. I have many male friends. As soon as i realized that someone have romantic feeling, i immediately cut the ties. And when i try to love someone.. people always tell me that i’m being too cold for some says i’m heartless… and now i’m 7 years single though during that time i’m dating. But never be in serious relationship. ?

  57. i didn’t know until this day that i have Philophobia. i got into a relationship for literally 5 hours and i was crying, devistated because i wanted to get out, i felt like i was going to be trapped, like he was going to hurt me just like the rest of them and now just sitting hear and to see the word love my heart becomes filled with fear. honestly i wouldn’t encourage anyone to be in a relationship. its a trap and you are just setting yourself up for being hurt

  58. yeh ‘philophobia’ is just a label. yeh, I experienced all the parent’s fightin’ stuff.
    when youre an adult, you move on. DONT let
    your past steal or take your present.
    the more I’ve lived, the more I realize I’m normal. I am nor will I ever be a victim.
    I live life now on my terms. I won’t be second to anybody.

  59. 1-Have you overcome your philophobia? Any website, doctor you might recommend. 2-This if for a friend …but I can’t even approach her anymore because she would go super angry. Any advise?

  60. Philophobia is also caused by seeing your parents fighting and then broke parent bad-mouthing the other and because the child is destroyed,she fears love and told herself not to fall in love to avoid hurting the kids and finding herself in a fight.

  61. I think I’m afraid of falling in love, the last person I was in love with battled cancer and sadly to say she passed away from it. One of the hardest things I had to do was sit by her side as she passed away & there was nothing I could. My fear comes from falling in love & a chance of having to go do that again. It was extremely hard losing the one i loved especially because she was only 20 & I don’t know if I could it all again if I had to. I pushed a lot of family & friends away because they try to get me to open up.

  62. Hey not all is like this but most people fear of love and are afraid their partner going to live that is why we advoide date and girls for maters we know how to we choose not go into this subject i used to have a girl friend 3 year ago she broke up with me cuz her mom i am this way my friends say i am afraid i know their right i just don’t know how to trust Christian they both were Christian i kind of feel like i was adbandon by some Christian

  63. I’m afraid of attachment even to my relatives it starts when my mom’s passed away 2 years ago .. i feel like all of them will leave me so ive decided to live alone i dont have friends i lost them because im afraid that someday they will leave me like my mom im afraid of falling inlove i feel like crazy what should i do??

  64. I’m someone who falls in love so easily but everything crumbled with my last boyfriend. He was a cheat, liar, words cannot even describe how he is. Since then, when I fall in love, I discover I want to be used and that has made me to be philophobic. The latest was the last guy I fell in love with recently. He’s been caring and since I don’t like being intimate until I’m sure of who he is, I thought he loved me the same way I love him. I was heartbroken yesterday when I saw some pictures in my colleague’s phone on how intimate they are. This has really made me to stand my ground; to be philophobic.

  65. I never knew this was something other people felt; I had always believed I was completely alone in this. Nobody ever understood the fear I felt at the prospect of love, and everyone would just tell me that it was just something i’d grow out of or something that I would overcome given the right person. I always make excuses to not meet potential partners, I push away people, I don’t trust anyone, and I never make emotional attachments. I don’t allow myself to get too comfortable anywhere because I don’t want to have to let anyone in. I don’t want to fall and lose myself without knowing the way out and end up completely hurt.

  66. Yep. I legit HATE myself. I’m angry and tense all the time. Lol it sucks but its comfortable and I’m too stuck to change.

  67. My age:-16
    Last year a girl changed my life. Being 3 years younger to me, she makes me feel butterflies in my stomach everytime I see her and heart races like anything. Pleasure centres of my brain get activated upon talking with her even if it is for a minute. But the only problem is that I made a mistake. One year back, I told one of my friend about her and he leaked it in the whole friend circle. Obviously, she got to know and she felt bad that because of me she faced public embarrassment… So she didn’t talk to me for months…. And now the relation between 2 of us is a lil better but not so good and I know she will never understand the value of my feelings… But I can’t get over no matter how hard I try…. I can’t be angry at her for more than a week… And this makes me suffer from philophobia… Either God should make my pair with her or else I think I would not be able to emotionally attatch myself to anyone..
    P.S don’t go by my age… My feelings are very strong…

  68. I think I also have philophobia I also have crushes I like the idea of being in a good relationship but when it comes I just shove it away and I can’t really love someone I always wondered why but now I think I do know why

    • I’m the same way. I can like a guy all I want, but as soon as he likes me back I’m overwhelmed with dread and fear.

      • Yes, exactly. I can like so many girls, but the second they show that they like me back, I get scared, and although it feels good to flirt at the moment I do it, the afterfeel of doing it is ussualy me feeling nauseous. This is ussualy why i like girls from afar, or ones that dont pay attention to me. I always end up feeling guilty when I find out a gurl likes me because I know that I actively flirted with her to get her to like me, but then in the end I dont want a meaningful relationship. I hate myself for this because i really want to get into a serous relationship, and i want someone I can love, but when i find that person, and they like me back, im afraid that they might not have the same feeling, and worst of all, they might have the same feelings, but not accualy want a meaningful relationship. Its confusing. Ive had no bad parenting, or any person to break my heart. Nothing tragic has happened to me, and yet i have this irrational fear. I can love my sister, mother and father without any problems, but I cant with other girls.

    • I feel exactly the same… i never understood why or how i could feel like this but this has given me some insight as to why i act how i do with relationships.

  69. I just recently realized that i have philophobia. We have crushes like normal people but fear being in a relationship. I found out my crush likes me and had a panic attack. My emotions are counteracting each other the crush vs the phobia. I still act like a mormal person with a crush but if i see signs of them liking me i go into a full blown panic attack

  70. I just realized i might have philophobia when i realized the person i like might like me. I started to have a panic attack , the problem is i still have a crush on them and the counteracting feelings are driving me insane. I want a relationship but the thought of being in one scares me.

  71. OMG! All of these details match my current afflictions and symptoms. I wish I never I could just live some place far away from civilization so that I never ever get close with another person.

  72. Like the others have stated I believed that I was tormented by a unique form of mental illness. I have looked for years trying to find what is wrong with me. Nothing quite fit until I found this tonight. Just about every story could have been written by me at some point in my life. I can’t believe I didn’t know about this sooner. Although I am not optimistic that I can change this late in my life (early 50’s), at least I finally know what monster I have to fight. Thank you.

    • Hello, so did you progress? I’m reading this and would love to hear what happened, did you have any success?

  73. I was wondering what was wrong with me, but after I’ve read about this phobia I’m quite sure of what’s happening.

    People find me attractive so easily that I mostly end up hating myself for being open to them – of which is weird!

    I repelled from people who’ve shown great love and care towards me, I just don’t seem to welcome anyone around as I continue to declare my love for solitude.

    Look, I hurt people, from spiritual leaders through friends to women. And the following is so disturbing; my family shown up for festive season, and trust me, within just days I was pissed that they’ve intruded my company. I would wake, brush my teeth, eat breakfast and disappear from their sight. As I’m typing this, I can’t wait for them to announce their departure!

    I wish I can get help sooner as I believe this is not the way one should be living.
    I also want to be a family man and people’s man!

    Please attach me a link for help recommendations in South Africa, Pretoria. Thanks

  74. I am sure that I am not the only one who had suffered watching their parents fight, but when I was about six years old or so, I saw my father arguing with my mother at a kitchen when it was midnight. He suddenly pulled out a knife and threatened my mother. But my mother repeatedly yelled at him to stab her. After seeing this I chose not to show any interest towards others as I feared that, falling in love would result in me becoming a man I do not want to become. Anyone can disagree with me, but I do not find love as important. You can live alone and still survive.

    • This happened with me too. I saw my mother trying to hang herself. I must have been in 3rd or 4th grade. I moved away for highschool and later got to know that my mom had been in hospital because my dad pushed her so hard against the balcony that she had to get stitches on her head. Things don’t change. And I just hate the fact that no matter what I still love both of them unconditionally. I can’t ever be in a relationship. I don’t want such love. I am 22 and never even had my first kiss.

  75. I definitely have this. Ive been in one relationship my whole life which was really hard for me. I cried 4 times in 3 weeks just from the emotional stress and anxiety it was causing me. In the past whenever i liked someone and they felt the same, i just couldnt be around them. Once it caused me to shake, get a headache feel nautious, and lightheaded, and one time, it turned me into a completely different person. I couldnt even talk to them.

  76. I have also this kind of fear. A fear of falling in love with someone, I can’t understand my feelings. One day there’s a suitor of mine,he tell me that he had crush of me then I feel nervous and irritate. Since I’m a students at that time.I thought that it can only ruin my studies. So, what I did was reject him.I feel bad of what I did at that time.And I thank god for what I have now !

  77. I thought I was the only one. Coming from a single parent family, life is tough in terms of love. Worse still, I was told countless times that I don’t deserve to be loved. It etched into my mind n until today, I am almost 30 and still single. Its a tough community to live in

  78. I think I also have this disses coz I’m sweating when I have to approach a girl and I really need help. Where can I found it I’m starting get worried

  79. I’m at the age where everyone my age is falling in love and starting to have boyfriends all the time. The thought of love scared me so so so so much. I fell in love this year and I hate myself for it. I feel guilty, hate, anxious, irritated, and just….well, scared. I don’t want to feel this way, but I do. I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve told a close friend an he doesn’t know what to tell me. I’ve never been in love before. I want to cry and tell myself everything will be alright at the same time. He tells be to fight my fears, but it doesn’t work like that. I don’t know what to do anymore….I’ve given up. One I found out love is my main fear I started to accept it about found it was called Philophobia. I accept my fear, no matter how painful it is…

  80. wow! i read this and now i suspect i suffer this phobia. its just i love my family and friend but never love someone beyond that. i can admire and having crush with someone, but when i know he also interested with me really scare me, and sometime it also can change my feeling from having crush to hate. its not that like i dont want, but couldnt. just having the idea loving someone other than my family and friend scare me. maybe its also anime and manga fault. hermm…. i dont know.

    • Same here. I had crush on someone, once! But the thought of having serious relationship, was unbearable. I did enjoy accompany from opposite sex, but once they want to move forward or take it to the next level, I’ll cut them off. Back then I don’t understand why. I keep saying to myself that I’m not ready, but now I know..the idea of love or commitment, just..argh…
      maybe its because anime/manga fault!

  81. Sometimes…psychology can be “mans” worst enemy.
    “For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” 1 Cor ‭2:11‬ ‭

    • God is the first person that gives us LOVE! Even though we can’t see him but he always there at our side waiting for us to call him. Through prayer we can communicate and know more what is really the true love of GOD to us.

  82. so that’s what wrong with me… 🙁 i hoped i can just snap out of it 🙁 well i guess ill just become a can lady then (24 y/o virgin)

  83. i have thiis feeling that i want to take my ex-boyfriend back to me but i’m scared he might just reject me.what should i do?

    • If he reject you,so reject him also! That it means that your ex- boyfriend reject you, there’s no love at all..

  84. Now I understand why my ex boyfriend do these things , we have been loving each other for 1 year , but. We broke up after a months , because he had to go to USA , and I wanted to move 3 months later .
    He just arguing with me , but he told me I always been loving you ! What should I do , I love him I want to take him back ?

  85. i didn’t knw that i waz like this before,but now i know sins i read this ,now i know wht couses philophobia and its meaning:-)

  86. From an early age I had this panicking feelings inside me when it comes to love.
    Whenever I have intimate relationship with someone on the internet or real life.
    It feels like I’m always fading away,like its a bit too much for me.
    Side affects are: stomach act and fling guilt.
    So I decided to explore and drew hearts. But… I couldn’t feel any satisfaction in it.
    I do know how to love,I do know how to be loyal,but I just can’t be with someone that intimated. So thank you,I know myself better then I’ve ever had.

  87. wow, I am in total shock that i finally found out what is wrong with me. I dont do love at All! when I feel like I love a person I get very sick to my stomach i get bad aniexty and actually want to throw up from the thought of being in love. Once I guy i loved told me he loved me and I broke up with him. Anyone who falls in love with me I break up with because I refuse to fall in love. Causes me to feel vunerable. How do I fix this!?

    • I just read your thoughts in my opionion you need to find someone who doesn’t need to hear the word love you don’t need to express the word love overtime your feeling may allow you and the other to say the words love to me means you will do what is necessary for the other not to hurt or suffer in any way again it’s my opinion and it’s from living for 59 years what I see and what I experianced

    • Same here.. is that real philophobia what im and youre experiencing or what? 🙁
      This at first didnt bother me at all i was just “ok its just maybe bcs i dont love him”
      But the same exact feeling came to me when i almost encountered little-crossed-friend-line relationships with other guys, and when the guy started to show he cared to me or behave a little bit my body reacts in a way that others find strange.. i felt nauseous and stuffs, i even panicked and (im so embarassed to say this) felt like i didnt wanna know him anymore :'(

      • Yesh!! That’s exactly it.. i’ve been wondering wht’s up since i’ve been feeling so too and only sstarted to really notice these symptons… like when i have an interest in a guy, i start to approach him and become friends then when he starts showing more care than usual or started to be interested in me too.. i juz want to avoid him and juz runnn… even though i was the one that started it all…

    • You don’t. Love is tough I love this guy but I’m afraid to get hurt I guess I just have to suck it up I’m 12 people say I’m too young to know what love is but I know what love is I’m scared of it but I love this guy and he loves me so why not hold on for the tide

  88. I think its also the anime’s fault. making us see things in a different perspective , making us different as well.sorry still love anime.

  89. Wow crazy I feel this so much. The thought of someone loving me scares me and the thought of me loving them back is even worse when you love someone you rely on them and they on you. If you rely on something and you lose it it’s like losing a limb. I am fiercely self reliant and do not ever rely on one person financially emotionally or spiritually I have once and it hurt like hell when we were over even as I knew it was for the best I do not wish to be weak but wonder if there is a flaw in my personality I see no reason to be codependent when there are so many things to do and see in life why just spend them with one person. Culturally this is not how people are but I am more like a wolf I can run with a pack or alone and I like it that way. But I worry my greatest strength may be my greatest weakness

    • i was in love with my best friend he broke my heart … im afraid to let people in i feel weak and scard at the mear though of me falling in love again i will never let anyone hurt me again

      • I glad for you as now you re strong and stand to loving again.. he s the luckiest guy.. I’m proud of you for taking those steps. I’m proud of you for being you and working to rise to the best you inside of you.. Im happy for you..

    • Reading your thoughts felt like reading myself there. I have not been through a complete relationship, before we broke apart. Now after that I feel I just can’t have anyone come so close to me. When I meet new people, it hardly takes me time to get close to them, but then like a bucket of cold water falls upon me, I withdraw. I move away so that they have no chance to get anymore closer and hurt me. I lose that person and it also upsets me but I console myself that it’s for the best and move on.

      • I see everything has already been said, so no need to tell my story.
        It’s a shame that people whom we ardently want in our life actually manage to leave such long-term scars.

      • That’s exactly how I feel. The moment I feel like someone’s interested in me I start avoiding them and sometimes even flee miles away literally. I have lied million times of being a relationship just to get out of a potential future relationship. I don’t know why. And recently I have indeed come to a stupid realisation that even all the men I have dated have been either foreigners or living many states away. And of course it never went for more than 1 date. It was all fine until I flawed. I started talking online to one such guy who I knew was definitely not my time. He was an asshole frankly speaking. Still is. 4 years and no matter how many times i break it to him that I just don’t want to talk to him he just wouldn’t listen. He just keeps on finding his way in my life. And all I want is solitude.

    • I love this guy I’m 12 I’m scared of loving him cause he has hurt me before what should I do can someone help me? Please

      • You need to chill. You are only 12. You will find someone later on in life who is even more worth your time and energy. That little boy, he just wants to go around and mess with you. Don’t waste your time on him. Focus on school, get through high school, go to college, and then start looking for someone to get serious with. All this worry over a 12 year old boy who I GUARANTEE will NOT be in your life in 5 years. Just focus on the important things rather than another distraction. If he hurt you before, why love him again? It’s just common sense and if you get butt hurt reading this, I dont really care. I have the guts to tell you this because this is reality, Ballergirl. I understand that you might or might not have philophobia but you are only 12 YEARS OLD. Where’s the common sense in that? Come on now… Let’s be serious. (this is my own opinion. Don’t get a hard on over it.)

    • I feel the same way as for the top part. I recently got into a relationship and it scares me to death because i really love my boyfriend, but at the same time the past experiences nagging me wont let me just be okay. I have regular mental breakdowns as i think about how much power he has to break me and i can;t even look him in the eye because of it and its horrible.

    • I’m trying to research philophobia because I’m writing a character who has it and I want to write the phobia realistically with respect and care. I don’t know anybody who has it, so could anybody give me tips? Thanks in advance.

  90. I’ve always thought what I felt was so abnormal. I felt alone and sad. Then I found this website, I felt more comfort that I’m not the only one…

  91. I heard of Tipi (Technique d’identification sensorielle des peurs inconscientes, Technique for sensory identification of unconscious fears) just yesterday and I spent most of my day checking if I like it enough to recommend it. They claim it’s more than 90% effective at curing phobias, within minutes and without relapse.

    This video explains how to do it yourself (English subtitles):

    I tried it on myself and I am more at ease now doing what used to terrify me (though I wasn’t aware of being afraid: letting something possibly carrying germs from people my dad would have thought of as “bad” touch anything in the house, in other words a fear of contamination), but then after working on this fear for a couple of years it is only a shadow of what it used to be, so I don’t know how much it helped.

    I’m hoping it might help people here. I worried they’re trying to take advantage of people’s desperation, but since they say it’s possible to do it on your own without paying anything, I’m comfortable posting this. I’m interested in knowing if it helps or not.

  92. wow. I can’t believe that I never put 2 n 2 together and that’s why she never married. Totally understandable from my point of veiw but it was brought to my attention that I have it so of course I understand.

    • Yes i have felt the same way all my life and its so debilitating. I just cant move forward in any relationship. I feel stuck and afraid.

  93. I have tears running down my face as the I finally feel less alone. I am not the only one who feels like this? Words can’t express the relief at finding this website. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can’t stop crying….

    • I agree with Lisa this has been my phobia for so long now and Im glad I found this information and get on the road to freedom from this

    • Definitely, I thought I was just going through the awkward teenager phase way longer than my friends, not that it was a separate phobia. Im glad that im not the only one, and I wish you all luck!

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