More than a solo act: the dark side of male self-pleasure It's okay to be mad when you catch him taking a self-guided tour. Male masturbation centers male pleasure, and is linked to violent and non-consensual fantasies.

Let’s talk about a situation that we’ve all likely experienced at some point in our lives. You walk into your boyfriend’s room, and there he is, lying in bed with one hand down his pants, taking a self-guided tour in O-face land.

It’s a scene that’s all too familiar, but one that often leaves girls feeling angry and frustrated. And let me tell you, that anger is justified.

First of all, male masturbation is unique in the world of sexuality in that it is entirely about centering male pleasure. This undermines the very concept of sex. Most importantly, male masturbation entirely disregards the needs and desires of females. As well, him ‘spending’ himself in this pointless way also diminishes any potential partners’ opportunities for a satisfying sex act later on.

I shouldn’t have to point out that selfish behavior has no place in a healthy, loving relationship.

But it’s not just the fact that male masturbation centers male pleasure that makes it problematic. The act of male masturbation is also linked to violent fantasies. Studies have shown that a significant portion of men’s sexual fantasies involve violence, domination, and control. This is deeply troubling and reinforces the toxic ideals of masculinity that are so prevalent in our society.

Another issue with male masturbation is that it can often be a gateway to cheating. While in the act of choking the chicken, men feel free to take non-consensual lovers all over the place, without their partner’s knowledge or consent. This means that they are not only disregarding their partner’s feelings and desires, but they are also betraying the trust and commitment that is necessary for a healthy relationship.

It’s important to note here that cheating is not just a physical act, it’s a violation of trust and a betrayal of the commitment made between partners. When men polish their own banisters without oversight from a partner, it’s a clear indication that they are not committed to the relationship and are disregarding their partner’s feelings and desires. This behavior is not only unacceptable, but it can also lead to serious emotional and psychological damage for the partner who is being betrayed.

And, by the way, cheating is automatically a form of non-consensual behavior. The partner who is being cheated on has not given their consent for their partner to engage in sexual behavior with someone else. This is a violation of their agency and a disregard for their autonomy. It’s important to stand up against all forms of non-consensual behavior and to fight for the rights of all individuals to make their own choices about their sexuality.

Related: Why is it ok to assume consent during fantasies?

Female masturbation, on the other hand, is less frequently violent in nature, and often focuses on self-exploration and pleasure — usually together with her partner. And even if a woman’s fantasies did include violent components, she has no power to enact them in this system. This makes female masturbation a safer form of self-expression and pleasure that is not intersecting with any of the problematic areas above.

Men were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple partners at the same time, while women’s fantasies were more likely to include their significant other.

So, the next time you catch your boyfriend engaging in this self-centered and potentially dangerous act, don’t be afraid to speak up. Express your anger and frustration and let him know that this kind of behavior is not acceptable in a relationship that values equality and mutual respect.

Related: 7 creative ‘man-ipulation’ tactics to get back at a toxic BF

Male masturbation is anti-feminist and has no place in a modern healthy sexuality. It’s time for men to start rethinking the way they approach sexuality and, for the first time in history, consider the impact their actions have on others. We’re not asking for much.